Argento's Dracula (2012)

        “For the dead travel fast.”  Good evening fiends, are you ready to sink your teeth into Thirsty Thursday’s review?  Tonight’s fangy feature was brought to us in 2012 by master of horror Dario Argento. An adaptation of Stoker’s Dracula, I was supremely curious to see how one of my all-time favorite horror directors captures this classic and iconic frightmare – and I have to say I was not disappointed!

        Let me begin our review by warning everyone that this is NOT – I repeat for dramatic effect – not – the exact replica of our beloved tale of blood, passion, fangs, and fire.  Please don’t go into this film thinking it can in any way be compared to Coppola’s film from the 90s.  It just isn’t the same film, nor does it want to be. Which makes it all the better, if you ask me.  No, I’m not saying it’s better than Coppola’s film – there isn’t a point in saying that as Gary Oldman is not one to be contested.  But Argento knew this I am sure when he decided to direct this adaptation, which is perhaps why he made the conscious decision to veer off corpse…I mean…course…in the making of this film.  What I am trying to get across, dear readers, is that you simply cannot compare this film to the other because it is entirely different in many various respects.  The reason I feel this needs to be stressed is that when I read other reviews online of this film, they all call this movie ‘abysmal’ and terrible (Sometimes solely based off of the trailer…exqueeze me but since when can you really review a film based off it’s trailer? That’s simply absurd!)…and it was infuriating me because people were continually comparing this to Coppola’s film. It’s not the film, Gary Oldman’s not in it, so lay off already!  

        Anyway, I digress. What we do have that rings true to the original tale are the main characters. We have Count Dracula, obviously, portrayed excellently by Thomas Kretschmann. He was a gorgeous Count and his blue eyes glitter and glint amidst the brilliantly (as per usual) lit setting. We don’t see the Count age and turn young again, then age again as in Coppola’s film. Instead Dracula stays young throughout the film. We have Mina, portrayed by Marta Gastini – and let me just say that I was totally taken in by her performance. She had much more expression, vulnerability, and likeability over Winona Ryder (sorry Winona…I still loved you in Beetlejuice).  We have Jonathan, and Lucy, and Van Helsing, and Renfield. But we are also introduced to an entirely new cast of characters.  People like Zoran, Janek, Tanja, Jarmila, Prete, Delbruck, and more…they are new and delightful additions to the cast of characters, and help make this film entirely different from its predecessors.  To be truthful, the weakest link in the entire cast was Rutger Hauer as Van Helsing. He spoke…in pauses…even worse than…William Shatner.  My god man! Make a sentence or two flow – like blood – because the blood is the life! 

        As far as the setting, we have creepy castles, gorgeous fashions, plenty of horses and the like. The lighting, in true Argento fashion, was perfection. And the score (even though it ALSO was ripped apart by online critics) was simply marvelous.  I adored the sounds, quite truthfully, and thought them reminiscent of Christopher Lee style Dracula films.  But since I wasn’t going into the film expecting a fully orchestrated soundtrack by Wojciech Kilar, I was not let down in the least. In case I needed to mention that again.

        And let me talk for a second about how incredibly bad ass this Dracula was.  Wow.  Oldman was perfection, don’t get me wrong, but I really wanted Dracula to do more mind control and shape shifting in Coppola’s film – and we get that in this Argento adaptation.  Drac not only turns into a wolf – he also turns into a swarm of flies, a praying mantis, and a screech owl!  He uses mind control more than once, there’s even this amazing scene where he makes a man that betrayed him kill himself. We see him point the gun at his chin, and then we see the bullet travel through his mouth in slow motion, and then motion speeds up again as his head explodes from the bullet. That was, my fiends, simply awesome.  When Kretschmann has death scenes he takes people out with ruthless abandon and even grace. It is great to watch.  Further, he is the first Dracula I’ve heard seem to detest what he is. He states that blood is: “The only way I can still nourish this foul cadaver.”  I enjoy a somewhat broody and self-loathing Count in comparison to the dead-and-loving-it Counts of the past.  

       Now I’ll hook you all up with the stats:  Body count?  I was so thrilled, this movie came in with a whopping 21 deaths.  Some of them are people dying then getting staked, but I counted it because death scenes are death scenes.  Killers?  FIVE!  That’s also a really decent number compared to most horror I’ve reviewed lately.  Cheap thrills? None. Actual chills? Two.  Raven’s Scream Meter Says?  4 out of 5 Screams!  I’d of given it the five but Van Helsing is supposed to be a strong character and he really fell short in this in my opinion.  Definitely worth a watch if you love Dracula or Argento (or both!).  I’ll be watching again I’m sure.  Bravo Argento, it’s safe to say you still are quite the master of horror.  I hope you all found this review a bloody good time!  Thank you for reading, and as per usual feel free to comment below! 

The Eternal (1998)

“In the beginning of the world, the earth and the sky were one creature, and it was the hardest thing to tear them apart. They loved each other so much. And that's why it rains. Because the earth and the sky are always trying to get back together.”  Hey there fiends and welcome to Wicked Wednesday!  Tonight’s witchy flick was brought to the silver screen in 1998 by Michael Almereyda and is entitled The Eternal.  I actually didn’t expect too much from this flick when I flipped it on, and I was very pleasantly surprised by it.  I had no idea Christopher Walken would be in it, so you can imagine my surprise when his name flashed by in the opening credits. Score! As a rule of thumb, if he’s in a movie…I pretty much am guaranteed to enjoy it.  If you hate Walken (do people that hate Walken even exist? Inconceivable!) it’s ok…he doesn’t last long. *cackles*

So the movie begins with a very happy couple getting totally smashed on a roller coaster. When they head home, the woman (who we come to find out is Nora, portrayed by Alison Elliot) falls down a flight of stairs. We then cut to her doctor checking her out, and advising her not only to not travel, but to quit drinking. Nora, of corpse, ignores both of these warnings and immediately takes her family (husband and son, respectively) to Ireland to visit her aging grandmother.  They arrive after a few antics like a bar fight and a car crash at an huge crumbling mansion where Nora’s Uncle Bill (Walken) and her grandmother Mrs. Ferriter (portrayed by the loverly Lois Smith – aka Adele Stackhouse of True Blood).  Uncle Bill is acting strangely, and brings Nora to the basement to observe a 2,000 year old corpse of a Druid witch.  Nora and her family go to bed, and Uncle Bill succeeds in awakening the witch who immediately proceeds to slit his throat. From there, the movie seems to take a strange twist – the witch has taken on the persona of Nora (has literally become her twin) and apparently is attempting to take over Nora’s soul.  Some of the antics that ensue are downright campy, I would have liked to see the Druid witch use more elemental magic…they talk about it in the film but we really don’t get to see it at all.We find out that grammy is also a witch, but is losing her spellcraft ability in her old age and is unable to completely fight off this ‘powerful’ Druid (I use powerful in sarcastic quote marks because she really doesn’t do much to display her power besides being seemingly completely impervious to bullets, fire, electrocution, and a variety of other attempts to kill her).  The battle for Nora’s soul wages until Nora makes the ultimate sacrifice – slitting her own throat to protect her only son.

So lets talk about the acting. Obviously the two seasoned actors (Walken and Smith) were just wonderful in this. The rest of the acting was, I hate to say, mediocre at best – but there was something so endearing about listening to the Irish accents that I pretty much didn’t care. The cinematography was pretty fantastic, no complaints there. There was some pretty great lighting and the rambling mansion and Irish coast seemed to have the perfect ambiance for this story’s setting.  The soundtrack was also well done, and though I didn’t immediately recognize most of the artists that were compiled within it, it still sounded fresh.  The gore, though, I must say was a let down. Walken’s death was decently done, but aside from that there really wasn’t any gore at all. The final slit throat scene was so badly done I winced…but the meaning behind it actually brought me to tears, so something definitely worked there. The idea behind sacrificing yourself for another, and getting your life back as a reward…that to me is a pretty amazing concept, regardless of any camp.  I will say that if you’re looking for a frightening flick filled with gore, this is definitely not the movie for you.

And here come the statistics!  Body count?  Four. For a movie that doesn’t boast very many characters, that’s kind of a large number. Number of killers? Two. Boob count? Zero. Cheap thrills? Zero. Actual chills? Zero.  This film actually turned out to be more moving than scary, but I can’t say I hated it because of that!  Raven’s Scream Meter says: 3.5 out of 5 Screams!  Definitely worth a watch if you are into a little less blood and a little more emotion.  Thank you for reading my review, and as per usual feel free to comment below!

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

Good evening, and welcome to Teen Scream Tuesday!  It’s been a sad week in the horror world, and I write this review with a mixture of both a heavy heart and overwhelming gratitude in dedication to our fallen soldier Wes Craven.  A true master of horror, Wes has hands-down directed some of the absolute best teen screams.  From Swamp Thing to Scream, Wes has revolutionized horror again and again. But this week, for our Teen Scream Tuesday, I’m reviewing probably his most well-known and well-loved film: A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984).  A truly horrific concept – perhaps one of the most horrific concepts of all – brought to life by Craven and our much loved and much appreciated Robert Englund as Freddy.

And that’s where we will start this review – the concept. Craven alludes to some of his inspiration for this concept throughout the film.  He references a real rash of deaths that seemingly all were caused by nightmares (well, the doctor performing Nancy’s dream therapy references them), that you can actually read about here:  http://www.nytimes.com/1981/05/10/us/nightmares-suspected-in-bed-deaths-of-18-laotians.html.  He also references that certain peoples are known to be dream warriors/weavers: they have the innate ability to lucid dream enough to turn their nightmares into something far better – for example if they are falling, they fall into something amazing that grants them wondrous opportunities. The concept of a killer that can control your dreams and kill you in your sleep is downright terrifying – even more so than any other slasher film concept, if you ask me. A concept that is simply brilliant and intriguingly haunting.

Let’s talk about the gore for a second. For a film that graced the silver screen one year after your reviewer was born, this film has some wicked gore.  There are some campy spots (when Kruger’s arms stretch like Stretch Armstrong, for example), overall I would have to say that the effects were top-notch. Freddy’s burned/scarred face, Tina getting slashed as she is mysteriously dragged up the wall of her parent’s room, and the gallons of blood required to create Glen’s death scene are all so well-done and serve up enough of the red stuff to make any horror fiend satiated. But the gore isn’t even responsible for all of the goosebumps one gets watching this film. When we see that first shot of Nancy in bed and her ceiling begins to bow and shows Kruger’s face and hands coming through the suddenly pliable plaster – now that is just brilliant filmmaking right there, fiends. Further, the nursery rhyme…”One, two, Freddy’s coming for you…” We all know it. We all love it. And this movie would totally be missing some of its sinister feel without that rhyme. To take a child’s nursery rhyme and turn it into a warning speaks directly to our subconscious, and makes us wonder if we shouldn’t stay awake a little longer…

Last but not least, concerning what gives me the shivers in this flick, is my absolute favorite scene next to Tina’s death scene – the bathtub montage. When Nancy falls asleep in the tub, and her legs are apart and you see the infamous glove come up from between her legs, you can’t not get a little spooked out!  If you haven’t given this film a chance, you should, if only for this awesome sequence.

The cinematography is top-notch, obviously. No shaky camera, great shots of fog and smoke and fire and fiends. The acting is also first rate, we all obviously love Robert Englund but Johnny Depp couldn’t have landed a better role for his first feature film.  Heather Langenkamp is both memorable and inspiring as Nancy, and everyone else plays their roles convincingly and admirably. There wasn’t a weak link here.  As far as the music, it was perfect as well. The original Nightmare score was written by Charles Bernstein and still holds up as one of the more recognizable and well-written horror scores out there.  I’d have to say that this cast and crew outdid themselves in bringing Craven’s nightmares to life for us. Bravo!

You know a horror film is good when people recognize it simply by the first name of the antagonist. People can say “Freddy” in almost any household in America (and in many other parts of the world, even) and others know exactly to whom and what movie they are referencing.  He is an iconic boogeyman, standing shoulder to shoulder with fiends like Dracula and Frankenstein (though to be fair, Frankenstein was the doctor, not the monster even though when we say that name most people call up the imagery of the monster).  Needless to say, Freddy is legit as fuck.

So here comes what you all want to know – how does your reviewer rate this film?  Where are the beloved stats already?? Here we go:  Body count?  Four. Not many deaths here (and we aren’t even sure if they were real by the end) but they were well done so that counts for something. How many killers? One. Boob count? Two. Cheap thrills? One. Actual chills? Three. Raven’s Scream Meter Says? Five out of Five Screams. Anyone into horror should be able to appreciate this 80s masterpiece by Craven, as it isn’t nearly as campy as most of the 80s horror I’ve seen and actually has some wicked acting involved as well as decent gore. A must-have for your collection, and a classic that will always grace my thoughts as one of the more memorable concepts in the horror genre. RIP Mr. Craven. Thank you for the Nightmares.

As a bonus for reading tonight, I’ve included a link to the actual script for your viewing pleasure, which can be found here: http://www.dailyscript.com/scripts/nightmare-on-elm-street.html

As usual, please feel free to comment below, and thanks for reading!   

Hold Your Breath (2012)

“You call that a friend? He was ready to rip you a new asshole with a pitchfork!”  Happy Maniac Monday ghosts and ghouls!  Tonight’s murderous feature was brought to the silver screen in 2012 by director Jared Cohen and is entitled Hold Your Breath.

The overall gist of the flick is that if you don’t hold your breath when passing a cemetery, evil spirits (that are ‘so bad even hell won’t take them) can possess your body. As a group of college kids rolls past a cemetery on their way to go camping, one of them takes a large toke on a pipe while the rest hold their breath. He gets possessed – and wackiness ensues.

Obviously after the possession, the viewer is completely aware that these murders are coming. The opening of the movie shows a mass murderer being electrocuted, and we see that the prison he was sentenced to death in is now abandoned, so we can only assume it is his wicked soul doing the possessing (which is later confirmed).

The death toll begins immediately in the flick, and doesn’t stop throughout its entirety. Most of the deaths are done with ingenuity – we have a girl being ripped in half with chicken wire, a cop that gets his jiblets fried when jumper cables are attached to his pants and the engine – he tries to get away from the guy pouring gas on him, starts the car, and gets immediately fried.  It also becomes clear by the third death that this director clearly is enamored with eyeball gouging. Almost every character gets something shoved into their eyeball at one point or another.  Though I’ll be honest the death by cake mixer could have been a bit more intriguing. I mean…really? After those two awesomely gruesome deaths?  But here I go getting off track.

Anywho, perhaps the best character in the film is the old man McBride, who knows a little too much about the insanity happening at the graveyard. He has the most excellently hilarious lines: “Are you paying somebody to help you misunderstand me?” – L O L. Portrayed decently by Steve Hanks, he is hands down the most memorable character in this film. Aside from him, the acting was decent, though none of the actors were people I recognized from other features.  Aside from McBride, the best actor in my humble opinion was the second to get possessed - Tony (But with a real name like Brad Slaughter, should anyone be surprised by this revelation? haha! You just can't make this stuff up!).  

The cinematography was also done well, there wasn’t too much use of ‘shaky camera’ technique, and some of the shots of fog in the dark cemetery were shot very well. The soundtrack wasn’t super memorable, but it was decent and went along with the action of the flick.  The gore…well…CGI is definitely NOT my preferred style of gore.  It has its place, but personally I think this movie could have used a lot less of it. The girl getting cut in half, for example, could have been much more realistic with handmade gore. The specter battle, however, pretty much required CGI to pull off. It was decent, if not a hair campy.  I will say that what WAS done by hand in this film looked great - the girl's scars on her face in the beginning and most of the eye gouging were what appeared to be handmade gory goodness. So I was at the very least somewhat satiated. 

But I know what you’ve been waiting for - so here comes the ratings fiends!  Body Count: 7 or 9, depending on if you think that McBride dies at the end (doesn’t exactly show this), as well as the last female left (whom we also have to draw our own conclusions about). Number of killers? Well…you could I suppose technically say one (the spirit of the murderer) but I totaled up each person who killed while possessed as well – so my total came out to seven.  Boob count? Two. Cheap thrills? Two. Actual creeps endured? One. Raven’s Scream Meter says: 3 out of 5 Screams. I’d say this is worth a watch, but try not to take it too seriously or expect too much of it or you may wind up disappointed. Feel free to leave comments and opinions below, and stay spooky my fiends!  

Satanic (2006)

Hello fiends and welcome to Satanic Sunday!  Today’s devilish feature is called Satanic, and was brought to us in 2006 by director Dan Golden. The feature film opens in a great way – a car wreck.  Generally speaking, if someone dies within the first ten minutes of a flick, I’m hooked and want to know more. That, my friends, is suspense.  Though I will say that there was a lot less gore than there could have been for such a bad wreck.  But I digress.

So the gist of this production is that a young girl, Michelle (Annie Sorell), has gotten into a terrible car crash. Her father died, and her face was completely destroyed.  When we first meet her, her face is totally bandaged.  On the bright side, the doctor (portrayed by Angus Scrimm) believes that he can re-create her face like new, so even though she is facing a few grueling surgeries she should come out of this OK (though lets be honest, most doctors would totally not assure a patient prior to surgery that she would look exactly as she did before her face was wrecked…that part kind of threw me, truthfully). The bad news…she has completely lost her memories and has no recollection of anything that happened to her before or during the accident. 

Anywho, once her face is back and she is free to leave the hospital, Michelle is put in a halfway house for ‘bad’ kids.  The hospital gives to her what is left of her ‘belongings’ which consisted solely of a satanic talking board and pentagram planchette. Before taking her to the halfway house, Mr. Bisson (amid lewd jokes and stories) takes her to her own home to collect some of her things.  She grabs a diary (also with a pentagram on it) from her room which appears to Bisson as if it were decorated by Charles Manson. But after fondling a few garments from her panty drawer and letting her get her things together, they head to the halfway house where all the real fun begins.

The family that fosters has quite an odd dynamic. The wife appears to be super religious, calling the girls “Whores of Babylon,” and expecting prayer before bed, and so on. But she smokes, drinks, and we find out confiscates things from the boarders to sell on ebay – and also requests prescriptions for the boarders but keeps them under lock and key ALSO selling them out the back door. Mr. Bisson is clearly a nasty character, usually quite raunchy.  When left to their own devices, however, Michelle and her roommate Dalia (Eliza Swenson) decide to mess around with the talking board to see if they can contact Michelle’s father.  Things heat up, and before you know it Dalia is dead with her wrists slashed.  What appeared to be a suicide to everyone in the house did not convince the detective on the case, but unfortunately he lacked the skills to save…well…any of them.

I won’t give away the ending of the film in the case anyone should wish to indulge, of corpse.

But lets talk about the film itself. The acting was mediocre at best, but the cinematography was actually decent. The plot had a few great points to it but mostly was a bit drawn-out for my taste. Get to the gore already!  The gore itself was actually dissed online, loads of people saying that it was cheap or cheesy gore. To me, it was just clear that the people who made the film were less into CGI and more into handmade gore – and I myself prefer the handmade stuff anyway so the gore didn’t actually bother me at all, I thought it was decently done. The soundtrack was lame, as was the actual sound itself…there were many spots where I had to turn the film up…and up…and up…because I couldn’t hear the characters, but then the music over them was so loud it was vibrating my sub woofer.  They could have done that better. Further, there was one scene in which what was supposed to be a satanic pentagram was painted on the wall with ‘blood,’ though it was pointing the wrong way. Two points up for Satanists, one point up for Pagans. The girl fight at the end was totally lamesauce, and unrealistic...as was the ending.  The ending was actually a total disappointment for me, and I had actually gotten super involved in the story by the last 20 minutes of the film, so I was pretty sad about that.

One awesome thing though was that the doctor brought up a famous psychological case in which a man (they don’t say his name but it was Phineus Gage) got a steel rod to the dome. It went right through his frontal lobe and caused him to go from a nice, normal guy to a completely angry and violent individual. I always thought that case was fascinating so I was pleased it was referenced in this story.  Good show, writers!

So lets get down to it fiends!  Body Count?  This film came in with a nice round eight. Number of killers? Two. Boob count? Three. Cheap Thrills? One. Actual Spooks Endured? One. Raven’s Scream Meter says?  One out of Five Screams – if the ending didn’t totally suck, it would have scored better, but the ending was such a fail I detracted overall points from it. Sorry not sorry. Anyway, it wasn’t the worst film I’ve seen but unless you are super into horror or Satanic stories, you probably won’t dig this film much.  Thanks for tuning in ghosts and ghouls, and feel free to comment below!  Happy Sunday and stay spooky! 

Scream 2 (1997)

       "Nothin like a funeral to bring a family together!"  Hey there spooks, and welcome to Teen Scream Tuesday.  I love the Scream collection, and since I've only reviewed the original Scream, I figured I'd go ahead and get my Scream 2 review on. 
       The sequel to one of the best 90s slasher films begins with a couple (Maureen and Phil, portrayed by Jada Pinkett Smith and Omar Epps, respectively) settling in to enjoy the feature film "Stab," a Hollywood version of the frightening events that occurred in Woodsboro 'a couple years ago,' according to the teens in the theater.  When Phil is stabbed in the bathroom, and the killer comes out and sits with Maureen, the movie begins living up to the original in an unexpectedly awesome way. 
       We then are transported right back into Sidney Prescotts life, only now she is in college and has to change numbers somewhat regularly due to people calling her and asking if she likes scary movies.  When Sid sees that two people were murdered during the opening night of "Stab," she immediately seeks out Randy for assistance.  Suddenly all of the survivors from Scream have congregated to this college, worried about what appears to be a new serial killer on the loose.  First we see Sid and Randy, then Gail, then Dewey.  I'm thinking that whenever these four get near each other, random acts of violence and gore are about to take place.  Not by them, but they seem to attract horror like poop attracts flies. 
       The death of sorority girl "Cici" (Sarah Michelle Gellar) isn't incredibly surprising OR innovative.  I was slightly disappointed by this death, but felt that perhaps it was necessary so the characters become aware that the movie deaths are not 'random.'  Viewers probably all think the cameraman is going to get it, but when Randy (Jamie Kennedy) gets killed its a pretty big surprise (even though his killing is pretty much exactly the same death as the cameraman in Scream).  The best part of this sequel, in my humble opinion, is when Sidney and her dorm mate Hallie (Elise Neal) are trapped inside the car with the killer.  Sid has to crawl over the killer to get out of the car, and the scene feels very tense while watching.  Well done!

       I don't know if anyone recalls Sidney's snarky comment about Tori Spelling playing her in 'the movie version' of Woodsboro, but Scream 2 ensures that Ms. Spelling is indeed the lead role for the "Stab" movies. So hilarious and fitting with the original, I'm glad they tossed that detail into the plot.  As far as the acting, it was not sub par from the original Scream, but then again it entailed most of the original cast (well, any who were still alive that is).  Cinematography was great quality, as typical of the Scream films, and they still included "Red Right Hand" by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds in the soundtrack.  Though I will say that aside from the Nick Cave song, the soundtrack kinda sucked.  I mean, there were WAY better songs in the 90s that could have been utilized for this soundtrack.  I don't know who exactly was in charge of that, but they didn't impress me.

       Body Count?  This flick boasts a strong body count of TEN!  That was pretty impressive for a sequel!  Number of killers?  Technically, there were five killers total, but only two don the Ghostface costume.  Boob count? Zero! Scream continues to not be gratuitous with nudity in this sequel.  Cheap thrills?  A couple, but its Scream so you kinda expect people to die throughout it.  Actual spooks endured?  Just one, in my opinion.  Raven's Scream Meter Says: 3 out of 5 Screams!  Though I tend to agree with the notion that sequels are detrimental to the horror genre, the simple fact that this movie actually makes that statement within itself shows that this is different from many and doesn't take itself too seriously.  Good spooky teen fun! 

The Quiet Ones (2014)

"What if you could prove that the supernatural was merely a manifestation of what already exists in the mind, the subconscious?"
            Hello again fiends!  It's been entirely too long since I reviewed anything, and I've decided it's time to start regularly updating this and my other blog.  Sorry that I've been away for so long, I was invested in two jobs for awhile and now I'm back to just one, so I have the time I need to sit and watch a film for review.  So without further adieu, I bring you my newest review of Hammer films' The Quiet Ones, for our Spooky Saturday feature.
            Any movie that starts out declaring that it's 'inspired by actual events,' generally gains more credibility in the creep factor area for me, however loosely inspired.  The Quiet Ones begins by asking the question "What is the supernatural?"  Quickly viewers come to understand that there is a professor (Coupland, portrayed by Jared Harris) working with a group of students to try to prove that the supernatural exists in what they each are calling "The Experiment." The professor leading this experiment keeps referring to a previous patient he had, 12 year old David Q (Aldo Maland), who had made up a supernatural entity named Mr. Gregor to explain away his telekinetic capabilities.
           We meet young Brian (portrayed by Sam Claflin), who likes cameras and is apparently going to be the filmographer of the "experiment." He is a nerdy and very quiet fellow and he enters the compound eager to meet and film the subject of the experiment, Jane.  Jane is fresh out of the asylum after being abandoned and going from family to family.  Each time she would get taken in, 'things' would happen that couldn't be explained, and she would get moved again.  They run Twisted Sister's "Come On Feel the Noise" to keep Jane awake, and the professor apparently wants her to manifest telekinetic abilities so that they can extract it from her mind. Only after a while some of the 'experiments' done on Jane are not exactly moral concerning human rights.  For example, he asks if her 'supernatural entity' (Evey) is afraid of fire, and then proceeds to hold the girls arm over an open flame to observe if she flinches or not. 

           The lighting was done decently, but I wasn't hugely into the sound.  Anytime the EMF activity was happening the sound was so loud it was obnoxious to listen to.  It could have been sufficiently creepy without the volume. The cinematography was well done, not a whole lot of what I like to call 'shaky' camera, all the motions seem very fluid in this film from one scene to the next.  I can't say the acting was the best I've ever seen, though I'm not sure if that is because of the way they were written or due to the actors choices.  Maybe it was a combination of both...because with lines like "Even God rested on the seventh day," this movie doesn't have anything very deep to say, even though it seemed promisingly profound at first (for a supernatural story, that is).
          Needless to say, I can't totally cast it aside as a decent spooky story, as it has plenty of cheap thrills coupled with charming English accents and if anything the way that the character Jane is treated is horrific all on its own. Body Count? Four.  Number of killers? One. This film actually brought forth quite a few cheap thrills (6 total, in my opinion), some interesting and some just plain cheesy.  As far as actual spooks endured, unfortunately it didn't really give me the hebie jebies... but since it was based on a true story it does get two points for this category.  The other point being when the tub begins to boil!  Boob count? Two. Raven's Scream Meter says: 2.5 of 5 screams.  It's worth a watch, especially if you really dig supernatural stories, but don't expect a miracle.


**I just now realized I missed a day, and posted my Spooky Saturday on Freaky Friday.  My bad!  I'll do a Freaky Friday review next week! lol**

Witchcraft (1964)

            “After she was condemned they took her out and buried her alive…”  Good evening ghosts and ghouls, and welcome to Wicked Wednesday (a bit late, but better late than never I always say).  I only had time to review one film this evening, but it was pretty wicked! Witchcraft, directed in 1964 by Don Sharp, is a witchy tale of disruption and revenge.  This is a black and white film, and I simply adore black and white for horror – it gives the medium a darker…eerier feel than those in color do.  This film is no exception, with the majority of the beginning of the film shot in a graveyard with curling fog and creepy tunes.  The premise of the film is that an English town is ‘clearing’ a local graveyard by bulldozer, and they disturb the grave of an old witch (Vanessa Whitlock, portrayed by Yvette Rees), who then wrecks havoc on the town.

            The witch begins by utilizing a voodoo doll (called a ‘devil doll’ in this flick) to drown Mr. Lanier.  Another doll is found by the townspeople and there’s much discussion about whether or not it is witchcraft and if such a thing even exists.  She then appears in Helen Lanier’s bedroom at night, pulling at her covers.  It appears she attempted to kill Helen as well, only Helen woke up and screamed before anything else happened.  Another voodoo poppet appears to be attached to the back of her car as well, which causes her to think she’s driving normally as she drives herself right off of a cliff.  I rather enjoyed this particular use of voodoo dolls; it was original conceptually and was filmed well.  When Bill Lanier almost drives off the same cliff, he finally begins to realize that something supernatural might be going on (he was on the side of skeptic to begin with).  Finally, viewers find that this isn’t just the one witch but an entire coven of witches that are working their magic underneath the Lanier house.   

            Now I cannot say this film has the best cinematography I’ve ever seen for black and white films, but it isn’t by far the worst.  Some of the lighting is done well and some of it isn’t.  I will say that it’s definitely not a Hitchcock-level film.  The soundtrack is also not extremely great, though I do enjoy it in some parts.  And when they choose to forego the music in favor of clocks ticking and church bells chiming, those sounds aide in the ambiance and overall tone of the film – making up for any cheese that might be going on in the soundtrack.  Vanessa Whitlock never actually makes a sound throughout the entire film, she just walks creepily toward people, and makes hand gestures.  This is reminiscent of silent film, where most of the acting was done with the eyes (facial expressions) and the body.  It’s done well in this movie for the most part, though some of is it boarder-line cheesetastic.

It is pretty impressive to see blonde Amy challenge the witch and burn her alive (as apparently she should have been 300 years prior, instead of buried alive).  The house burns to the ground, of corpse, and Amy fails to make it out alive.  There was actually a decent Body Count in this film with five total deaths (I didn’t expect so many from a 1960s film).  Number of killers? Two.  Boob Count? Zero. Cheap Thrills? None. Actual Chills? None.  Raven’s Scream Meter Says: 2.5 out of 5 Screams.  Was decently made for an older film, but needed a little pizzazz when it comes to the acting.  Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed the review, and please feel free to discuss below!  Xx ~ Raven    

Haunter (2013)

            Good evening, fiends!  Last movie up for review on this fine Teen Scream Tuesday is Haunter (2013), directed by Vincenzo Natali.  This film begins with viewers meeting Lisa, a girl who appears to be living the same exact day over and over again (similar to Bill Murray’s Groundhog Day, if you will).  Her family is on the same repetitive cycle with her, only they seem completely oblivious to it.  She is, as she calls it, ‘awake,’ in that she is the only one of the family aware that she is dead.  As the movie continues the creaks and other strange sounds in her home appear to be both other dead people as well as the living that are currently occupying her home.  I have to say I really dig the way this film is shot from the perspective of a dead person that is ‘haunted’ by the living.  We are used to seeing ghosts irritated by the presence of the living, but never haunted by their presence quite in this way.  Lisa notices there is another presence in the house, a malicious presence that is both male and appears to be the cause of Lisa’s death, though she isn’t sure how he is connected with them.  When Lisa attempts to contact the living people in the home to warn them of the presence and tell them to get out of the house, the presence appears to her as a man and tells her to stay away from the living and to not shake things up or she will suffer the consequences. 

            Another thing I noticed I fancied right off the top with this movie is the cinematography.  The director and crew really came together and this movie is beautifully shot from start to finish.  The acting was decent as well, and the characters were mostly believable. Most of the actual horror was done with CGI (which as loyal readers I’m sure you know I’m not a huge fan of), so it was not perhaps the most innovative when it came to the effects, but it still managed to be a bit spooky from time to time.  The CGI was tolerable because of the other aspects of the film that already tickled my sensibilities, so I rolled with it.  I honestly cannot tell you anything about the score, aside from that it must be quite un-memorable because I cannot remember a thing about it other than I’m sure it was there in the background somewhere. 

            The Body Count was somewhat difficult in this film, since there were quite a lot of dead girls buried in that home prior to the family of four that we know for sure is dead.  But for lack of a better count, I’ll say 5 plus (it appeared the killer had been burying ‘missing’ girls in the basement for something around two decades).  Number of Killers?  Hard to say, but I will say at least 2.  Boob Count? Zero. Cheap Thrills?  One.  Actual Chills? A couple.  Raven’s Scream Meter Says: 3.5 out of 5 Screams.  This one grabbed me from start to finish, and even though I had to get past the CGI I felt like it was worth it.  I greatly appreciate your readership, and hope you thoroughly enjoyed the review!  Please feel free to comment/discuss below.  Xx ~ Raven   

Ring of Curse (2011)

            “The feelings of death make me understand more about it.”  Next up for our Teen Scream Tuesday is Gomennasai or Ring of Curse, directed in 2011 by Mari Asato.  The flick begins with three typically adorable Japanese girls, sitting in front of the camera and talking about the making of the rest of the film (as though it is based on a true story).  After their short introduction, the film ‘really’ begins.  Viewers are introduced to Yuka Hidaka and her classmates, including one Hinako Kurohane, who is regarded as one of the best writers in school because she won a contest the year prior.  What the kids don’t know, is that Ms. Kurohane can curse people through her writing…so as they pick on her and bully her, they unwittingly sign their own death warrants.  Fun fact:  Gomennasai translates as “I’m sorry,” in English. 

            The film begins from Yuka’s perspective and then switches to the diary of Ms. Kurohane, then back to Yuka for the denouement.  In Yuka’s original account, Hinako appears to be simply disturbed/crazy.  But when viewers see that the girl is fighting a malignant lymphocyte tumor, and how her family disregards her very existence, one can see why the sociopathic behavior developed.  It becomes hard to not sympathize with Hinako at this point, as she is going through serious pain both literally and figuratively, and has been given a very early death sentence due to the cancer.  She was in a desperate place.  Yuka realizes this as well in reading Hinako’s diary (sent to her prior to her death, as Hinako knew she would be dying).  But Yuka is still young, and still alive, and so she spreads the curse further unintentionally and inadvertently subjects herself to its wrath. 

            I felt the deep breathing in place of a score in parts of this film was very effective in setting the tone of the film, and often makes one think of one’s own breath and breathing (perhaps even providing the feeling of being short of breath).  The sequence of Hinako’s sister when she is out of breath for a month and scratching at her throat is also particularly chilling, and is probably the most gruesome thing in the movie’s entirety.  I wanted the girl to suffer, though, after the cruel things she said to her sister about her illness – and I’m betting most audiences probably feel this way.  I also dig that Hinako prefers to write her curses in her own blood (apparently even from early childhood), and that she actually fills a pen with blood and writes with it.  That was morbid and awesome.  The cinematography was decent as well throughout the film, and I enjoyed the different perspectives tying the storyline together.   

Though this film has a decent Body Count, clocking in at eight deaths total, there isn’t any gore to speak of.  This film is creepy in subtle ways, not in-your-face gore.  The Number of Killers completely depends on if you consider the jumper to also be a killer (his own killer).  In that case there are two.  Boob Count?  None to speak of, not even any kissing.  Cheap Thrills?  Zero.  Actual Chills?  One.  Raven’s Scream Meter says:  3 out of 5 Screams.  It is a subtitled film, and I generally prefer subtitled to dubbed, but I figured my fiends would want to be aware prior to popping it on for an afternoon of mindless horror (it becomes less mindless when one has to read).  Not as jump-out-of-your-skin as many Asian horror films, but still ranks as pretty great in my book due to its plotline and subject matter.  I hope you enjoyed the review, and please feel free to leave comments or begin dialogue below.  Thanks for reading! Xx ~ Raven   

Silent House (2011)

            Good evening fiends, it’s Teen Scream Tuesday!  We have some great flicks on the docket today, beginning with Silent House (2011), directed by Chris Kentis and Laura Lau.  The movie begins with protagonist Sarah (portrayed by Elizabeth Olsen) and her family, who are renovating their lake house before it is sold.  The movie doesn’t actually give you more than this before suddenly the girl’s family is no where to be found and she is being followed around the house by a mysterious male figure.  All the doors and windows are locked/boarded tight, and she’s unable to find her way out of the house.  She clearly feels trapped and this person, whom neither she nor the audience knows, is after her. 

            Truth be told, this movie doesn’t make a whole lot of sense for the first 30/40 minutes when this strange man is after her and we don’t know who he is or what his motive is, and the uncle leaving and the father getting hurt all at the same time before this maniac appears is pretty convenient.  But things become clearer as Sarah begins to realize that her father and uncle molested her when she was little, and the man that is ‘after her’ is part of her repressed memories of the event.  Sarah exacts her revenge on her father while her uncle watches, then pleads for his life.  The only death in the entire film is a bludgeoning by sledgehammer, which is pretty cool but wasn’t particularly gruesome.  The cringe-worthy elements of this film were the molestation (which isn’t shown, only alluded to) and the feeling of being trapped in the house during the initial guy-is-after-me-for-no-reason sequence. 

            The music in this one was mediocre, as was the cinematography.  It had all the elements I don’t care for (shaky camera, fuzzy camera, etc), though it is rare in that it attempts to portray itself as one continuous shot a la Hitchcock’s Rope.  This is no where near the quality of Hitch’s work, though I will give the directors and cameramen kudos for trying, and it is known that the movie was not shot all in one take (so that sort of removes the credibility, in my humble opinion).  I can’t say I was particularly taken with Elizabeth Olsen’s performance as Sarah either.  She wasn’t horrible but she just didn’t quite do it for me as a scream queen.  I also had issues with the plot in some parts…for example why on earth would her uncle, after seeing her show up bloody and crying and saying her dad was hurt, take her back to the house to ‘help’ without calling some sort of emergency response?  That just simply doesn’t make sense. 

            As I mentioned before, this movie has a wickedly low Body Count of just one.  That’s not quite enough blood for me!  Number of Killers?  One.  Boob Count?  None, but since this movie dealt with molestation and pedophiliac behavior, I’m quite glad for the lack.  Cheap Thrills?  Two.  Actual Chills?  Two.  Raven’s Scream Meter Says:  2.5 out of 5 Screams.  Decent for a teen-scream, but definitely won’t go down in the books as a horror ‘classic.’   I hope you fiends enjoyed the review, feel free to leave comments below!  And thanks, as always, for reading.  Xx ~ Raven

Stitches (2012)

            Can’t sleep, clowns will eat me.  Can’t sleep, clowns will eat me.  Can’t sleep, clowns will eat me.  Stitches, the horror comedy directed in 2012 by Conor McMahon, begins in typical horror fashion…ok maybe not.  It begins with a clown (in makeup, even) screwing some girl in a trailer while she yells expletives.  He realizes he’s late, tosses the wench aside, and runs to a young boy’s birthday party to perform as the clown.  While he is there, the kids are particularly nasty to him and they wind up accidentally killing the clown…which is a very bloody (but funny gory, not scary gory).  Six years after the incident, Tom (who is more a teen now instead of a child) is on anti-anxiety medication, and seeing clown faces in his breakfast platters.  In other words, he’s kind of a mess when we catch back up with him.

            The rest of the film is based on revenge, with the clown coming back to seek it on the bratty kids that killed him during the party six years ago.  This film is sort of an American Pie meets It, which is an unlikely combination.  No matter how silly the gore in this, I will never be a huge fan of clowns.  Anyway, the kid’s mom is out of town for his birthday weekend and, of corpse, he tries to throw a party with three people and winds up with an e-vite sent to the entire school.  Stitches arrives as the party is heating up, and begins taking out every single one of the kids that were at the party.  Most of the kills during the party are not very original, though many of them are deliciously gory (and still funny).  The party ends as people begin realizing the killer clown talk is for real.  Tom figures out that if they break Stitches’ egg, they may free his spirit and he might disappear.  They race time and the clown to the graveyard where the clown and his egg are buried. 

            The cinematography is done nicely, the soundtrack is decent (though not exactly memorable), and the acting is fair.  I enjoy the British so the thick accents and people calling each other crass things throughout the movie brought a smile to my face.  After much shenanigans, threats, and running around, Tom’s theory proves to be valid and the clown is no more.  The only thing (besides that this was a comedy when I would have preferred this be a straight up slasher clown film) that bugged me about the film was when the clown kills the cat.  The cat?  Really?  What for?  Anywho, it was a fun-filled and funny romp with jokes galore, a real scream for you clown-lovers out there.  Number of deaths?  I counted five in total.  Number of Killers?  One.  Boob count? .5, you only see one, not even a full set, so I don’t count this as a full flash.  Cheap thrills? None.  Actual chills? None.  This is much more a comedy than it is a horror film.  Raven’s Scream Meter says 2.5 out of 5 Screams.  Silly and sardonic, the film is an unlikely mix of horror and comedy that may leave you in stitches.  I hope you enjoyed the review, and as always thank you for reading!  Xx ~ Raven

The Cabin in the Woods (2012)

            Our second flick for Maniac Monday is The Cabin in the Woods, directed by Drew Goddard in 2012.  I have heard many great things about this film and yet had not bothered to give it a shot until now, and I have to say that I was really stoked on it within the first five minutes because of all the great actors and actresses I recognized immediately.  My recognition of a few of them made a hell of a lot more sense when I realized that Joss Whedon wrote some of the script for this film, as two of the actors I recognized immediately were from his short-lived but awesome show Dollhouse.

            Aside from my obvious admiration of the cast, that also includes actors from Six Feet Under and Billy Madison, the movie kicks off most interestingly with a group of kids going on vacation to…you guessed it…a cabin in the woods.  One of the first things they notice about the house is that one of the mirrors is a two-way mirror that allows one room to see into the other, much like a police investigation mirror.  We also discover that there is a business watching these kids in the cabin, and they are setting them up for a very frightening time, even betting on what evil the kids in the house will release (and, we find, this isn’t the only terror show they are watching).  I will be honest, when the chick makes out with the taxidermy wolf head, I’m not only bored but I’m also confused as to how that moves the plot forward in any way.

            After the small peep show, the gore begins.  We already knew that zombies were on their way to the cabin, since one of the idiot teens read some Latin passages aloud (like this is ever a good thing when you and friends find a creepy book in a cabin in the middle of nowhere), and the zombies begin attacking in earnest at this point.  Compared with my last manic flick, the cinematography in this is absolutely stunning and the acting is much more convincing.  I about died laughing (pun intended) when the zombie threw the girl’s decapitated head at her friend.  The kids get out of the cabin and into the RV after a couple of not-so-gory deaths, and at the same time the Japanese cameras they were watching are also in the process of defeating the evil they are supposed to be consumed by.  Just as viewers think the kids escape in the RV, the still-unnamed company makes the only way out (a tunnel) collapse.  One of the survivors attempts to jump the blown tunnel on a bike, but there is clearly some kind of grid that he literally runs into seemingly in the middle of thin air. 

            Much of the gore in this fright fest is either somewhat lacking, or done with CGI, so I can’t say it’s one of my favorites because of this.  The plot is also lacking, with the premise being that the ‘company’ works for evil gods who will destroy the world if they do not get the sacrifices they are supposedly satiated by.  They don’t, and the world ends, so literally EVERYONE dies in this film (which is admittedly cool).  Talk about your unhappy endings.  There is a slight nod to the great Clive Barker I noticed, with the ‘demon’ that has saw blades through his pale, bald head, and who is called by a round toy trinket (hello Hellraiser!).  I will also say that the NIN playing at the end of the movie definitely punctuated the end of the world, so that was well done.  Body Count?  Everyone on Earth.  Number of Killers?  Too many to count.  Boob Count? One.  Cheap Thrills?  One.  Actual spooks endured?  None.  Raven’s Scream Meter says 3 out of 5 Screams.  Though there is plenty of violent content, I would have appreciated more innovative gore and less CGI.  Still will be a movie gracing the shelves of my horror collection!  I hope you enjoyed your second review for this Maniac Monday, and thanks again for reading! Xx ~ Raven

Evidence (2013)

            “To a serial killer, murder is an art.”  Good morning fiends, and welcome to Maniac Monday!  The first review in store for you today is on the film Evidence, directed by Scott Walker in 2013.  The premise of the story is that there are a pile of dead bodies discovered in the desert in Nevada, and the only clues found at the crime scene include a welder’s mask, a couple of cell phones, and some video tapes.  Basically, once we gather that the police force are on the job trying to piece together what might have happened, we are watching a movie inside a movie (documentary style)…sort of Cannibal Holocaust meets Blair Witch meets a serial killer. 

            The beginning of the film inside the film is mostly spent on character development.  The characters are somewhat believable, and I was stoked to see Harry Lennix (Dollhouse) as Ben, the bus driver.  Though I have to say that not all the actors are super seasoned in this flick, so don’t expect grammy-winners to appear on screen during its course.  The characters, who are inevitably part of the abandoned gas-station massacre, are all on a trip to Las Vegas.  As more people join them on the bus to Vegas, the camera continues to roll, and the police continue trying to piece together what exactly happened to them.

            When the bus rolls, it completely catches the viewer off-guard, and is done fairly well concerning the way this is filmed.  Admittedly I am not a fan of docu-style movies, particularly ones such as this where the cinematography is all over the place (really shaky and choppy), but I do believe that it makes sense with the context of this film and it works in several areas to build suspense.  But I digress.  The group, miraculously unharmed after the bus is completely demolished, clambers out of the wreck and heads toward a gas station the bus driver had noticed a bit behind them.  The gas station looks as though it is where trucks came to die – everything looks completely abandoned as though no one had been around in some years. 

            When the first person bites the dust, viewers really don’t know what the hell happened to him – he just comes falling out of a room covered in blood and dying.  Suddenly they see someone else out in the truck graveyard, out in the dark, who isn’t part of the Vegas group.  Naturally they freak out and attempt to hide inside an abandoned building…as though that ever has helped anyone in any horror movie…ever.  The next death, however, is brutal as all hell!  After her head is repeatedly bashed into something large and perhaps metal, her limbs are severed from her body by perhaps one of the most fun weapons I’ve seen in horror yet – a blow torch.  Maybe not super innovative, but brutal and straight to the point which I absolutely adore in my maniacs.  She then is burned alive.    

            One of the survivors, a rather insane lady Katrina (portrayed well by Dale Dickey) with a bag full of about a hundred grand that she clutches to her chest while she hangs in the background and occasionally pulls random shenanigans like yelling in people’s faces and such.  Her death is done pretty well, with the killer first slitting her throat and then pulling out her organs while she writhes and screams just a hair off-camera.  Suddenly Ben, whom viewers are led to believe has been left for dead, shows back up and helps the survivors to get away.  The police are also considering the possibility that the driver isn’t who he says he is.  After a brief interview with one of the survivors, the police believe perhaps one of the girl’s boyfriend (who was on the trip as well) is the killer.  I felt that the climax of the film was stretched out a bit long, and there was no real wrap up after the climax, so the film ends on a somewhat weak note.  All in all though, I have to say I appreciated the gore and for the most part the story line as well.

            Definitely a movie worth watching if you enjoy a low-budget slasher flick with a bit of good gore and loads of fire, which you could probably watch with some metal music on and the volume on the TV turned all the way down (and not miss much).  Body Count? Four. Number of killers? It’s a surprise.  Boob count? Zero…this one actually has literally no sexy scenes at all, so you can let your teen watch with you (providing you allow them to watch violent content, that is, as this movie is full of that).  Cheap thrills?  One.  Actual thrills? One.  Raven’s Scream Meter says: 2 out of 5 Screams.  Not terrible for a low-budget film, but also not one of the best horror films I’ve been intrigued to watch.  I hope you enjoyed the review, and thanks for reading! Feel free to comment or begin a dialogue below.  Xx ~ Raven

Devil (2010)

            The final film for this Satanic Sunday is Devil, filmed in 2010 by John Erick Dowdle (produced by M. Night Shyamalan).  I hadn’t heard of this film prior to this review, but apparently a lot of people have – it grossed 33 million at the box office (that’s roughly a 20 million dollar profit!).  The gist is that sometimes the Devil makes people pay for their karma while they are still alive…and it appears to be a repeat pattern known as “The Devil’s Meeting.”  It generally begins with a suicide.  In this story someone plummets off a skyscraper with a rosary clutched in their hands, thus beginning the pattern.  Next, a group of five people are trapped in an elevator and…you guessed it…one of them is the Devil.

            I have to admit that my first thought was that the man in the suit was the Devil, but that thought was quickly dispelled when he was the first to die.  After several suspected Devils bit the dust, though, I began wondering if that really mattered or if they could still be the Devil (in a death disguise).  Detective Bowden is assigned to the case (portrayed by Chris Messina), and he joins up with the security team for the building as well as with the fire department to try to get the survivors out of the elevator.  There are some intense moments as the people in the elevator try to figure out for themselves who is doing the killing, and the Detective continues to struggle to get them free. 

            The music isn’t the best thing about the movie, but I can’t say I hated it.  I just wasn’t super into it, either.  The cinematography was decent but it’s also fair to say it wasn’t the best filmed movie I’ve ever seen.  The concept was interesting, though, and the suspense of trying to guess who the Devil was kept my interest throughout.  Though I wish Geoffrey Arend had a larger role than he inevitably did.  He was the only actor/tress I recognized and he was gone so quickly.  He would have made a fantastic Devil.  This film sort of reminded me of Jean Paul Sartre’s “No Exit,” with the elevator and the concept of hell being other people (the people in the elevator sort of drive each other insane; they may have just killed each other without the Devil lending a hand).  The killings are all basically kept within the elevator itself, so they really aren’t all that creative or gory.  Sorry, blood brothers, this one’s fairly tame. 

            What do you get when you place a few people with the Devil in an elevator?  A fairly low Body Count, clocking in at only five deaths, one of them being a suicide.  Number of killers?  Three.  Boob Count?  Zero, again this movie lacks even kissing.   Cheap Thrills?  One.  Actual spooks endured? None.  Raven’s Scream Meter says:  3 out of 5 screams.  A decent concept and stimulating plot sequence, but the acting could have potentially been a bit better.  Thanks fiends as always for reading, and feel free to leave comments in the space below!  Xx ~ Raven

The Ninth Gate (1999)

            Next up for your Satanic Sunday, we have The Ninth Gate, directed in 1999 by Roman Polanski.  I can’t lie, watching a Christopher Walken movie then a Johnny Depp movie is never a big issue with this ghoul.  This movie is and has already been a favorite of mine, considering the way the movie focuses on and reveals the Devil (mostly through a focus on books, which I love).  The fact that Mr. Depp is the protagonist doesn’t hurt one iota.  But I digress.

            The premise of this flick is that JD’s character (Mr. Corseau) is a book buyer/seller.  He is hired by one Boris Balkan to authenticate a rare book about the Devil.  There are three known copies on earth, and Mr. Balkan believes his to be a fake and wants Mr. Corseau to travel to find the other books and check each against his copy to discover any dissimilar marks or text.  Corseau likes money, and this client is offering a sum he cannot refuse, regardless of his seeming distaste for the subject matter.  He takes on the job and begins researching the book.  He attempts to seek information about the book in various ways, and notices immediately that he is being followed by a smoking man (hired by Mrs. Tolfer to retrieve the book).  He also finds himself running into the same woman over and over…both in the States as well as in other countries.  She seems to lead/protect Corseau throughout his journey. 

            As Corseau is able to examine the other copies of the books, he notices that the engravings in the books are different, some of them signed by a ‘mysterious’ LCF.  It didn’t take him long to discover what those initials stand for.  The soundtrack to the movie is just as glorious as the cinematography, though I’d have to say most of the death scenes were pretty lame sauce (with the exception of Balkan burning himself alive…that was just brilliant).  Emmanuelle Sergner was probably the weakest link, as “The Girl,” her acting was somewhat atrocious.  This isn’t a gore fest, it definitely has more plot to it than those typically do, and much of the storyline is not just about moving the plot forward but its also about character development.  Corseau goes from a complete non believer to a full-fledged Hell seeker/aficionado. 

            The Body Count was actually decent in this film, with a total of seven (though I’m mildly surprised the number was not nine).  Number of killers?  Three.  Boob Count? One.  Cheap Thrills?  None.  Actual Thrills?  One-ish.  Raven’s Scream Meter says: 4 out of 5 Screams!  Definitely worth a watch if you are into movies about the Devil and the occult, but not if you are looking for a blood bath.  I hope you enjoyed the review, feel free to leave comments if you so desire – and thanks as always for reading!  Xx ~ Raven 

The Prophecy (1995)

            Hello my gore-geous fiends and welcome to Satanic Sunday!  On this most holy days of the week, I feel it is my duty (and right horrorshow) for me to present to you reviews of movies and such about Satan or demonic entities/possession.  I know you all didn’t ask for this, but that’s just the kind of ghoul I am.  First up for today’s reviews, we have Gregory Widen’s 1995 film The Prophecy.  I picked this flick because I generally always find movies with Christopher Walken in them to be particularly entertaining, and I wasn’t let down with his performance here as Gabriel, the Angel of Death. 

            The premise of the flick is that there is a second war in heaven that is not foretold in the current editions of the Bible, where some of the angels are angry because God gave humans souls.  The angels felt that God loved humans more because of this, Gabriel at the top of the ranks of these.  He comes to earth to find an evil soul to use against God in this war, only Samuel gets to the soul before both Gabriel AND Lucifer (Viggo Mortensen) and gives it to a child to hide.  Gabriel wrecks havoc until he finds the soul he seeks, picking up souls that haven’t left this world yet (but are about to) on the way to do his bidding before they die.

 

            This movie isn’t particularly gory and there aren’t a lot of death scenes in it at all, though it does have a few burning bodies, and some torture, so it’s not completely devoid of visuals.  This is more classic good-versus-evil than slasher-style horror, but that is an appropriate theme for a tale that is focused on the belief that God and the Devil are real entities.  There are also some beautiful Native American ritual scenes, which seem fairly authentic and punctuate the film with other cultural and theological points of view.  The score isn’t particularly memorable, though there were a few decent pieces sprinkled in there somewhere.  That being said, the cinematography was solid throughout – no messing about with shaky cameras or out-of-focus shots. 

            I personally really enjoyed watching this movie, though I can’t really call it ‘horror’ per se…perhaps more a theological thriller?  Anywho, it’s at least worth a run through.  A low body count of four deaths, with a rarity here…there were also technically four killers in this movie as well.  I actually don’t think I’ve yet reviewed a film with the same number of deaths as killers, so that’s pretty wicked.  Boob Count? Zero, there wasn’t even any kissing in this movie.  Cheap Thrills?  None.  It took itself a bit more seriously than that.  Real Chills? One or two, mostly from Walken’s performance.  Raven’s Scream Meter Says:  4 out of 5 Screams, but this is definitely less ‘horror’ and more ‘dark heavenly war’ style.  I hope you enjoyed the review!  Feel free to comment below, and of corpse thank you for reading! Xx ~ Raven

Children of the Corn (1984)

           Hello again fiends!  Since I missed Monday and Tuesday (time was spent watching, instead of writing), I figured I’d put a couple out in one night for you all.  Doesn’t that sound like a spectacular spooky surprise?!  I thought so!  This review is going to focus on Fritz Kiersch’s rendition of Stephen King’s Children of the Corn (1984).  Originally a short story published in Penthouse (hmm…maybe some people do actually buy them for the articles, eh?), Children of the Corn is a somewhat fantastical tale of an entire town of children that wind up killing off all of the adults and forming a sort of cult amongst the rows of corn surrounding their town. 

            And that begins my first critique on the film – the plot.  I really don’t find children to be scary, more creepy than scary.  In my humble opinion, it is really far-fetched for a group of kids to literally kill off all the adults in any given town and have no retaliation whatsoever from either more adults or the elder kids.  In the story, they even have children willingly allowing the others to kill them at age 19.  I don’t know anyone that would willingly die like that, and even if one or two did it would be very difficult to get an entire group to fall into step with dying young.  I honestly didn’t think there was a Stephen King out there I couldn’t get behind, but I’d have to say this one is too far-fetched for me to get the creeps from.  That being said, if you as a viewer can get past the inconceivability of this plot, then you may find you enjoy this film.  The cinematography is decent though one can tell that it is an older film.  Still not bad, not bad.  I can’t honestly say I can remember the soundtrack so I am going to say that it wasn’t memorable and leave it at that. 

         The casting, unfortunately, is another downfall of this particular flick.  Courtney Gains as Malachai…I mean I’m all for giving child actors a bit of a break because they are ‘green,’ so to speak, but this kid was not only terrible, he was also obnoxious to look at.  Every time he yelled “Outlander!” I wanted to reach through the screen and shake him…hard. John Franklin as Issac was pretty awful also, but at least he was somewhat intriguing.  Having not read the short story for this prior to watching, I was hoping Isaac WAS the demon, or possessed and immortal, or something cool.  But alas, I was let down on that as well.  The creepiest thing about this movie was “The Blue Man,” a cop that had been crucified by the kids, his rotting skeleton serving as a point in the cornfield as their meeting place.  Otherwise…it’s pretty out there.  The kids all grab sickles and knives to kill the adults…and the adults grab pipes and duller instruments to try to fight back.  The kids all seem to go along with all of this, and yet don’t appear as brainwashed as one might originally think when we first meet them.  All in all, this is one of my least favorite conceptions that King has produced for us.  Anyways, here come the stats:  Number of deaths?  11.  Killers?  This was a tough call…probably thirty or so?  Boobs? 0. Not even anything remotely racy in this one.  Cheap thrills?  0.  Actual spooks endured?  0.  Ravens Scream Meter says: 2 out of 5 Screams.  Has some carnage so I couldn’t give it a one, even if it isn’t my favorite movie to date.  Thanks again for reading and I’ll be posting another review shortly!  xx