Suspiria (1977)

"Suzy, do you know anything about witches?"  Ok, so I may be a tad biased when it comes to the review of this movie, as it is one of my all time favorites and in my opinion a true horror classic.  Dario Argento’s Suspiria is downright awesome: from the set, to the costumes, to the murder scenes, to the score, to the lighting, the entire film is like candy for the eyes and ears of the horror-inclined.  For those of you who have not yet seen this film, I will indulge you with a synopsis:  Suzy Bannion, as portrayed by Jessica Harper, heads to Germany to attend a school of dance there.  She arrives, and immediately murders begin occurring all over the school.  Viewers eventually become aware that the school is instructed by a coven of wicked witches, and I mean that in the most literal sense.  This is the first of the Three Mothers Argento trilogy, and they are all exquisite films.       

Though I have heard the original concept was supposed to be young girls (ages six or seven), the actors in the film do a fine job with their roles.  Because it is an older film, some of the gore looks slightly stiff, but there is plenty of it to go around in this film.  The score was written by Goblin, a personal favorite of mine (horror movie score wise), and it compliments the tone that Argento sets with the red and blue lighting and intriguing setting that is full of bold architecture and unique furnishings.  Actually the setting is so gorgeous and unique that it adds an otherworldly element to the eerie feeling about the movie in a way not many other movies have pulled off (if any). 

This film is unique in many ways, but conceptually it is far superior to others of its kind.  I have never seen witches portrayed in quite the same fashion as Argento’s; they are very shadowy in his films and operate largely behind the scenes while the protagonists scramble for clues to explain the inexplicable events that keep occurring around them.  It is seriously a brilliant concept made even better by the acting, lighting, gore, set, and sound.  The murder scenes in this movie are inspiring – one girl is pulled through a window, stabbed repeatedly and choked with an electrical cord over a stained glass window/skylight, and when the window inevitably breaks underneath her she is hung by the cord.  Genius.  There is another scene in which one of the characters winds up trapped by the killer in a room full of barbed wire.  She gets caught in the wire and then, just as she is about to reach the door to this steel room of doom (still entangled in the hateful wire), her throat is brutally slashed.  The scene is one of those where the viewer also feels stuck in the wire, and it might make one’s heart race with the hope she gets free…well…unless one has already read this review and knows she doesn’t.  Bahaha!

For my friends that detest subtitles – no worries here, it is dubbed into English, and the dubbing was done well.  In a movie like this, it would be hard to focus on subtitles anyway with all of the lush scenery viewers will be taking in!  Anyone who has heard of Argento but hasn’t managed to catch any of his flicks yet – this is a great starter film that will show you exactly why Argento is a master of horror.  Often referred to as “the new Hitchcock,” Argento takes horror to a different place than most other directors.  Watch it now and thank me later.  Number of killers?  Somewhat unclear.  We know for sure that there is at least one, but many of the staff are part of the coven of witches, so I’m going with 1+  Body Count? Five +.  Boob Count?  Zero.  Cheap Thrills? Zero.  Actual Spooks Endured: Four.  Entertainment?  Oh hell yes.  Raven’s Scream Meter Says: 5 out of 5 Screams.  A true classic that will continue to be an inspiration to horror directors for years to come.        

Muoi - The Legend of a Portrait (2007)

“Death begins the curse…”  Intense is the first word that comes to mind when attempting to describe Tae-kyeong Kim’s Muoi: The Legend of a Portrait.  Vietnam’s first addition to the horror genre, and first rated film ever, is an excellent ghost story that has a great pace, intriguing plot, and a believable ensemble that all serve to draw viewers in and keep them interested.  Essentially the plot revolves around a young Korean author, Yun-hui (convincingly portrayed by An Jo), who is writing a piece on a local legend about a ghost named Muoi.  There were all kinds of different stories surrounding the death and curse of Muoi, and Yun-hui was trying to find the true story so that she could write a book about it.  The movie begins with a mysterious, ghost-y death, and then cuts to clips that Yun-hui has taken of people describing what they had heard about the curse of Muoi.  Viewers soon learn that Yun-hui is about to travel to Vietnam to meet up with an old friend, Seo-yeon (portrayed by Ye-ryeon Cha).  The catch here is that Yun-hui’s first novel contained some rather scathing remarks about Seo-yeon, and Yun-hui had no idea whether or not Seo-yeon had read the book.    

When the two girls do meet up, the uncomfortable feeling between the two girls easily translates to the audience through body language and tone of voice.  Though through much of the film it is unclear as to whether or not Seo-yeon has read Yun-hui’s book, as the two seem to be getting along fairly well.  Seo-yeon begins to tell Yun-hui everything she knows about the curse of Muoi, and takes her to Muoi’s house.  From this point on, there are plenty of ghostly antics for everyone – and, might I add, a ton of cheap thrills for those that like jump-out-of-your-skin moments.   The cinematography in this film was done beautifully, and there are some particularly stunning shots and interesting angles during the temple scenes.  And, on a girly note, I personally enjoyed the wardrobe of the film as well.  There is a particular coat that Yun-hui wears that has teeny round buttons on it that I thought was simple and elegant looking, particularly on that character.

I actually expected a lot more blood when I first settled down to watch this flick, but the spook factor was still pretty high so I can’t complain about the lack of blood.  Viewers do get to see Muoi as she has her face doused in acid (or something like acid) which is awesomely gruesome, but viewers don’t get to see the mangled face except for in quick flash shots that were mostly too quick to see anything truly gore-y.  I thoroughly enjoyed most of Yun-hui’s dream sequences, as they tended to be dark and edgy.  From what I have discovered of Asian film, my opinion is that no one else can film a dream sequence in quite the same fashion: I believe the Asian culture truly has a grasp on the subconscious and dream world.  But I digress.

The ending of the film might be the only part that could be criticized, as after the curse plays out, viewers do not get to see what happens to Yun-hui.  Does she die, does she live…we don’t know.  The only closure viewers get from this film is that the revenge that was sought after was attained.  A fair warning for those who do not like subtitles, this movie is indeed a subtitled film, so I thought it my duty to let you know prior to your search for it.  I am unsure as to whether or not there is a dubbed version of this film (or a remake in another language), so if you find out any of this please let me know!  Number of killers?  Four.  Body Count? Six.  Boob Count?  Zero.  Cheap Thrills? Five.  Actual Spooks Endured: Three.  Entertainment?  Oh hell yes.  Raven’s Scream Meter Says: 4 out of 5 Screams.  A wonderful addition to anyone’s foreign horror collection.       

We Are the Night (2010)

            “Wouldn’t you grab onto them with both arms and never, never let them go,” the narrator questions the audience in the beginning sequence of We Are the Night.  Essentially the story revolves around a girl named Lena (portrayed by Karoline Herfurth) and a group of vampires led by Louise (portrayed by Nina Hoss).  I am always delighted to find vampire movies that somewhat keep to the original idea of vampires – lots of blood, no sunlight, no sparkles.  This movie kicks off with an entire airplane full of victims.  In fact, most of the body count in this movie is actually found in the first ten minutes.  But I digress.  Viewers see the airplane full of victims, and the three lady vamps (interesting concept in this move, there are no male vampires) as they prepare to jump out of the doomed vessel.  Then the movie cuts to Lena and running from Tom the cop (portrayed by Max Riemelt) – and she is giving him quite the chase.  She even manages to grasp (and then continues to hang on to) a barbed wire fence, which bloodied up her hands pretty bad. Lena runs into the group of vamps at one of Louise’s clubs, and Louise immediately has an attraction to Lena because of her eyes.  Louise bites Lena and there is an excellent sequence in which Lena is beginning to become a vampire.  At one point, Lena runs to the fridge and grabs some hamburger meat and sucks the blood out of it, even grabbing the meat tray and drinking the blood off of that when she was done.  Beautiful.

            The gore in this film is done well, and there is plenty of blood to satiate the horror fiend’s appetite.  At one point Charlotte (portrayed by Jennifer Ulrich, and coincidently my favorite character in the film) is getting barked at by a guy in a restaurant about her cigarette, so she puts the smoke out in her eye and winks at him.  It was cute, and provided viewers with a unique portrayal of the regeneration abilities vampires generally are gifted with.   Nora (portrayed by Anna Fischer and my other fave character in this movie) also proved to be a fun addition to the film; when the security guard gets sliced and is bleeding, her hungry facial expressions make the scene all the more compelling and fang-tastic.  I do have one negative critique, when Lena is given her new whip (super fancy car) to drive around; she keys the car before getting into it.  I wasn’t really sure what kind of statement this was intended to make, and it didn’t fit with the rest of the scene. 

            We Are the Night was originally written/filmed in Germany, but for those who do not enjoy subtitled films this movie is dubbed into English (and decently dubbed, I might add).  That being said, I’d like to see the same film in German with subtitles, so I could hear the original actors inflections and such.  I personally prefer to hear the language and read subtitles than watched a dubbed film.  I think the film is geared more toward Ann Rice style vampires and not Stephanie Meyers works…so I would not call this film ‘an answer to’ or ‘a creation because of’ Twilight.  The vamps in this film note that the blood of evil men tastes sweeter, and that is most definitely a throw back to Rice’s fanged ones, as well as the rich way in which the immortal characters live (Lestat, anyone?).  I would call this film a must-see for those that like a little drama mixed in with their horror, and for people who dig vamps that don’t sparkle.  Number of killers?  Basically four, but there are a few more than the main four mixed in there.  Body count?  About fifteen.  Boob count?  Zero.  Cheap thrills?  Zero.  Actual creeps given?  Zero.  Entertainment: Loads.  Raven’s Scream Meter Says: 3.5 out of 5 screams – a delightfully fun fang fest! Bonus points for both the creepy carnival scenes, as well as VAST playing during the ending credits.  Love.

House (1986)

“This is my uncle's harpoon gun.” Hi everyone, sorry it has been so long since I wrote a review, but school had me quite busy over the last couple weeks.  Tonight I will conclude my B-movie week of reviews with a well-known B film.  House, directed by Steve Miner, is a classic B film and absolutely the best film out of all of the low-budget features I enjoyed through the week.  First, the movie kicks off with a sweet score that sounds original and fitting to the horror genre.  Most of the other movies I viewed this week actually had pretty lame music, so this was a huge plus in my book.  The setting was also more inspired; the house had elaborate decorations and unique furniture.  The movie kicks off with Mrs. Cooper hanging herself in her bedroom (awesome).  From there, audiences meet Roger Cobb (portrayed by William Katt); Mrs. Cooper’s nephew who decides to take the house over after his aunt commits suicide. 

So Cobb takes over the house, and audiences then discover that his son went missing at this house not too long ago – and Roger is on a mission to find his missing son.  He is convinced to his very core that his son (Jimmy) is in the house somewhere, still alive.  Cobb battles with zombies and other ghastly beings through the rest of the film, tearing the house apart and continuing to look for his son. Katt does an excellent job of acting in this film, again better than any of the other B films I viewed this week.  I particularly liked Katt’s performance during the closet scene, when he opens the door expecting a monster but there was nothing there…at least for a few seconds.  The scene itself was brilliant, but Katt pulls it off cleverly.  I also would like to commend Miner’s vision, particularly with the bathroom scene.  A razor would definitely be a common object to find lurking in the bathroom…so where other movies this week have fallen short on producing weapons that would ‘naturally’ be in a room – Miner succeeded.  Bravo, Miner.  Awesome sauce.  The shots of Vietnam were also very cool, and gave Katt’s character more depth than he would have had without that part of the story line. Bonus points for Richard Moll as Big Ben, a particularly well-done zombie that was also in Vietnam with Cobb.  Won't say too much about their relationship as I don't want to give too many spoilers here. 

My only real criticism of this film is that some parts that were intended to be scary wound up as being more laughable…particularly the “Sandy” monster.  She was kind of cool-looking, but also kind of cheesy-funny.  I am not sure that this is what Miner had in mind.  For the most part, though, if you go into this movie knowing it is low-budget and use your imagination it is an interesting film that truly blows a lot of other movies in it’s category out of the water.  A must-see for those who dig fun and inventive horror.  Number of killers?  I guess I forgot to count the killers because there is no number written here for it.  You watch it and tell me.  Body Count? Seven.  Boob Count?  Zero.  Cheap Thrills? Three.  Actual Spooks Endured: Three.  Entertainment?  Fuckin a.  Raven’s Scream Meter Says: 3 out of 5 Screams.  Watch this movie with your friends, it’s one of those great ones that you can talk shit to and still enjoy.    

Vampegeddon (2010)

            As most of you know, I’m a huge fan of vampires.  No, not the sparkly kind…I like the bloodsucking fiends from beyond the grave.  You know: the scary ones.  Anyway, I decided to check out Jeffery Alan Miller’s 2010 Vampegeddon because it sounded like a bloody good time.  The plot is essentially about Count Giovanni (a popular vampire, portrayed by Shane Dean) and his rival Longshanks.  In the first five minutes of the film, viewers get to enjoy five vampire slayings at the hand of Longshanks. Here begins my criticism of the film…Dean’s makeup was terrible (as well as his costume) and it made him look like a cheesy metal dude trying to pretend to be Dracula.  Something inspired here would have been better.  Once Giovanni and his cronies are dust, the plot changes to modern day and revolves around new central characters, a group of Goth kids that are trying to raise the undead. 

Another criticism I have is about a scene that introduces these Goth characters with two of the girls talking about ‘middle aged’ people…but the girls themselves look middle aged.  Are we really to believe that these two are in college or (eep!) high school?  Secondly, the character Mona (portrayed by Sugar Cox) has on a headdress that makes her look absolutely ridiculous…she looks much better with it off and thank goodness doesn’t wear it through the entire film.  The only truly notable acting in the film was Jacqueline Smith’s portrayal of Liz (and, by circumstance, Longshanks), which she nailed. 

As this is a vampire movie, I expected lots of blood.  Buckets, if you will.  But I was highly disappointed in the lack of gore…no blood when the vampires are biting, no blood when they are staked, nada.  I think the most blood viewers actually get a chance to see is smeared all over the torso of the character Melissa, and is truthfully done super cheesily.  The only redeeming factor to the lack of blood was the body count – plenty of death to go around in this film.  I just expected the deaths to be more creative…and absolutely more bloody.    

My final criticism has to do with how easy everything seemed to be for the characters.  Melissa just ‘happens’ upon a garage sale that carries Kindred in Blood (a book to resurrect vampires).  Who in the fuck just has this kind of book sitting round?  I would have expected her to have to do some digging in order to find that kind of item.  Then, when you think things couldn’t be any easier for them since they now have the book, poof! – a map comes flying out of the book to tell the characters the direct location to perform this ritual.  Lame. 

If you are a vampire fan, this happens to be better than Twilight.  But not by much.  Number of killers? Three.  Body Count? Right around 14.  Boob count? Five.  Cheap thrills? One.  Actual creeps given? Zero.  Entertainment?  So-so.  Raven’s Scream Meter says:  1 out of 5 screams.  Needs more blood, better makeup, and more conflict to suit my taste.  Did I mention that it should have had more blood?  Vampires like blood.  Vampire movies should have an unlimited ‘blood budget’ before anything else.  Blood.

Evil Weed (2009)

I checked out this movie because the title seemed funny, and I have to say I wasn’t completely disappointed.  In my week of B movies, I will not lie that this one was not one of the best.  But it was definitely funny in a few places, and for the guys there are lots of chicks running round in skimpy bikinis so if you like that then you will get your fill from this flick. 

            The basic gist is this: this group of kids finds some ‘tainted’ weed that once smoked causes them to come over all demon-y.  Once one of them has the demon inside them, any kind of fluid transfer can cause the others to get ‘sick’ as well.  Not the most original or inspired concept, but it nevertheless is a recipe for fun.  When the first girl begins to feel the side effects, I laughed out loud at the slow, sluggish: “I don’t feel so good.”  There is another point at the end of the film in which two of the characters are driving away together that is also hilarious. 

            The setting wasn’t terrible, and I particularly liked the shots of the city as the kids traveled to their getaway spot in the Hamptons.  The gore was shitty in parts but actually kind of cool in others.  For example, the pool death was totally lame – but the cut and bloodied-up foot made up for that.  The scenes where people are toking up and then have bloody mouths…well that shit is a bit too abstract for my taste.  But I digress. 

            The score was kind of alright, until the butt-rock started up.  But the butt-rock doesn’t continue through the entirety of the film, so that is a plus.  Some of the acting in this film is decent, and some is not.  The actors as an ensemble looked rather un-synced, but some of the individual acting was alright – definitely not the worst I’ve seen by far.  My final criticism of this movie was its plodding, dopey plot (pun intended).  After the kids smoke up, I’m thinking “YEAH they are all dead soon!” but the actual side effects don’t happen for at least thirty minutes after they puff.  Must have been some creeper bud.   

            Number of killers?  At least two, but I honestly didn’t keep track due to the slowness of the plot.  Body count? Two or three.  Boob count? Less than or equal to one. Cheap thrills?  Zero. Actual creeps given?  One.  Good show on that by the way, Wexler.  Entertainment? So-so.  Raven’s Scream Meter says: 1 out of 5 screams – good for a laugh, but if you want to watch something scary this probably isn’t the movie for you. 

The Landlord (2009)

            “I thought maybe we could...hack something,” is my favorite line from Emil Hyde’s The Landlord, and fittingly sets the mood for the rest of the movie.  The gist of this comedy/horror tale is this: Tyler (portrayed by Derek Dziak) owns this building that is possessed by demons.  He keeps renting out the apartment to different tenants, and then the demons residing in the building eat the people that have moved in.  After viewers get an eyeful of the demons, and come to understand their passion for human flesh, Tyler finds a new tenant that he has a bit of a crush on.  Wackiness ensues.

            Some of my favorite scenes in this film include the first motel scene – which is totally random and pretty hilarious, and the movie the ‘clinic’ shows about abortion as murder.  I would not, however, rank this movie in the Shaun of the Dead category.  Some of the acting is good, some of it is not.  I felt that Rom Barkhordar portraying the demon Rabisu fell short in several places.  Some of that may not have been his fault - he would have been better without the old-worldy style speech and better makeup.  The infomercial scene with Barkhordar was charming, though, and kept me intrigued with the character. 

            In my humble opinion, the makeup for the two main demons could have been more inspired.  One looked like a dog, and one looked like his chin had HPV.  The special effects also fell short, I think they could have been omitted and the scenery could have had more budgeting.  Another weak point for this movie was the score, in that there wasn’t much of one in the beginning and then when it was added the sound was terrible. My final criticism has only to do with how the vampires were portrayed; they carried an umbrella to ‘block’ the sun in one scene, but were constantly out during the day in others.  All I ask for is consistency (and if those fiends can walk about in the day, an explanation!).  I have also read reviews that call these things ‘demons,’ but in the movie they call them ‘undead,’ and viewers can see them drinking blood – so I’m going with ‘vampires,’ to clear up any confusion.    

            Though I have some negative feedback here, I did find this movie worth watching.  It has an interesting concept that could have been developed better if the director wasn’t working with such a small budget.  There was enough lightheartedness in the film to make it silly, and yet enough gore to satiate those who are watching the film for its horror aspects.  The script is probably the best aspect of the film, so if you give it a whirl try and look past the low budget and enjoy the concept and dialogue.   Number of killers?  Four at least.  Body count? Around six.  Boob count? Zero. Cheap thrills? Zero. Actual creeps given? Zero.  Entertainment? Indeed. Raven’s Scream Meter says: 3 out of 5 screams.  Looking forward to seeing more from Hyde in the future.