The Stand (1994)

       Welcome fiends, to yet another Wednesday.  I haven’t, I promise, been slacking this week – it just happened to take me a few days to actually get through this movie and I really wanted this to be the first film I review this week.  In honor of Ash Wednesday (which, your humble reviewer does not celebrate, but I do respect the observation), today I am bringing you a detailed review of The Stand (1994).  A classic good vs. evil struggle set smack in the heart of North America, based on the novel by the infamous master of horror, Stephen King.  It is an epic tale, and one of my absolute favorite stories King has ever conceived, but the film is exceptionally long and most likely (unless you have a completely free afternoon sometime) you will have to watch this one in more than one sitting.

The synopsis of this flick, in the case you haven’t yet read or watched it, begins with a plague that destroys mankind.  And while one might think that if a ‘superflu’ (as they call it in this film…or “Captain Tripps”)  were to leak in an area at this point in time, that our government would be able to quickly quarantine the area and prevent it from spreading worldwide, we have to admit that this could indeed be the case.  Humans are flawed, and the guard that was supposed to be the last defense for this quarantine became scared and fled the scene with his family, only to travel halfway across the country before slamming his car into a gas station and then dying in the arms of Stu Redman (Gary Sinise).  Stu is a hero from the beginning, as he cuts the lines to the gas just before the car takes them all out – saving everyone in the gas station…and sparing them.  For the time being, that is.  The government quickly follows the trail of this escapee, and travels to Arnette, TX, ready to shut down the town and quarantine anyone who came into contact with him.  Stu and friends get taken to a government facility and are put under close watch.  But just before they are taken, a cop comes into town to tell them what is going on…and lies to the dispatcher over the waves as to his whereabouts, further spreading this already infectious disease and once again showing the weakness of man.  We meet other important characters along the way, including a deaf-mute named Nick Andros, a girl named Franny Goldsmith and her good friend Harold Lauder, a mentally disabled man called Tom Cullen, a slick city-kid crooner named Larry Underwood and many…many more.  This is quite the epic tale, and most characters that we come to know as surviving this major plague have integral parts in the outcome of the final battle.  The survivors begin having very vivid dreams, one is of an elderly African American woman named Abigail Freemantle, “But people around these parts call me Mother Abigail.”  Mother Abigail tells them all to come see her as soon as they can, and to bring along their friends.  The other side of these dreams, however, are guided by Randal Flag.  An instrument of supreme evil, Flag attempts to grab anyone he can with promises of everything they could ever want as long as they follow him without question.  When I first became familiar with the story, I couldn’t decide fully if Flag was actually the Devil or if he was simply a demon – but all evidence that I can see points to him being the actual Devil.  He’s even called “His Infernal Majesty” by a character at one point, which was one of the things that solidified my opinion on this matter. 

Anyway, the characters begin to split between Boulder and Las Vegas, and prepare to face off.  Mother Abigail is self-proclaimed to be in touch with God, and it does appear that she is as she is well aware that the survivors are heading toward Hemingford Home to meet her and continue on to Boulder.  Throughout the movie, God guides the ‘good’ side through Mother Abigail, and Flag guides the side of the wicked.  The good guys do absolutely everything they can do to stop the evil that is leashed upon them, ending in the final Stand between a few of the Boulder friends who have traveled into Nevada unarmed and without anything but the clothes on their backs.  After they are captured, there is a particularly wonderful conversation between Flag and Glen Bateman (an elderly painter, one of the good guys) where the old man shows his loyalty to mankind and laughs in the devils face – this old dude sure had some stones!  There’s several references to both pop culture (Rolling Stones, anyone?) and more than one reference to the Bible (pride cometh before the fall, Stuart!!!), and both are weaved throughout this tale to punctuate the story and give it some reality where there is much mysticism.  I won’t tell you how the story ends, but I will say again that this is one absolutely epic tale that should definitely not be missed by anyone who is a fan of horror.  Even if you don’t believe in the Christianity theology, this story is one that can be appreciated and admired – and the conception of a plague being the catalyst to the end of the world as we know it is simply genius.

 

And the review.  I’ll start with the cast – what an absolutely brilliant lineup!  Gary Sinise, Molly Ringwald, Jamey Sheridan, Ruby Dee, Miguel Ferrer, Corin Nemec, Matt Frewer, Adam Storke, Ray Walston, Rob Lowe, and more…it may not be an ‘all star’ cast, but every single part was played beautifully by the actors and it is clear to me that they were all invested in the story and wanted to make Mr. King proud.  The cinematography is smooth, and though it is definitely not blu-ray quality, the shots are clean and there isn’t inappropriate camera-shaking or anything that makes the viewer feel as though they are spinning around on a carnival ride.  Obviously everyone is already aware of my feelings on this epic plot, so no need to go there.  I will say that I thought the ending scene was particularly cheesy, as I don’t know anyone (especially anyone with world-saving capabilities) is going to wave and make gestures at a baby that clearly has her eyes closed.  C’mon now.  That could’ve been done better, especially after the build up and climax of this story.  But I guess if that is my only complaint concerning the film, then I’ll live.  The soundtrack is alright, but sometimes not particularly memorable.  The story is what matters here.  What are the stats on this, you ask?  Here we go:  How many deaths?  Well…the world, for the most part, so that is pretty intense!  But as for the core group?  A whopping seven (possibly eight, I might have missed one in there) of them bite it during the course of the film.  Killers?  About eight, if you count the men who spread the disease in the first place.  So this was pretty even with the amount of core deaths in this one.  Boobs?  None, but there are some pretty racy scenes so you probably want to screen this yourself before the kiddos watch.  Cheap Thrills?  None.  Actual thrills?  Around four.  But honestly it’s chilling to see all the dead bodies in stores, churches, and lined up on the highway throughout the films entirety.  Buckle up, fiends.  Raven’s Scream Meter says?  Five out of five Screams.  While it isn’t a movie the whole family can get down with (or maybe it is, depending on your family!), this is absolutely one of the better horror films made. Thanks again for reading my fiends, and please keep on the lookout for more movies based on King's work on the mad scientists review table this week!  xx  ~ Raven

Raven's Top Ten Teen Screams

     Things that go bump in the night. Creepies, crawlies, and all the nasty things you dream about but never thought you’d see in the light of day.  That’s what this list is all about, my fiends.  People always love top ten lists, and whether or not you have the same sensibilities as I do is definitely going to factor in to whether or not you feel these movies are appropriate for your teen (or any child).  I would also think the maturity level of your children would come into play at this point.  I find that if you have to question if they should watch something, they probably shouldn’t.  But I digress.  This is my list of the top ten best horror flicks to watch with your teen (or to let you teen rent/watch).      

10.  An American Werewolf in London (1981) – This film is pretty innocent when it comes to horror, and is also on the lighter side.  Most families would find the majority of the film funny I would imagine, and there is very little in the way of gore (and no sex, and almost no swearing even).  It also happens to be a classic, and I’ve even already reviewed it here in Ravens Reviews.  The film is still wonderful and definitely part of my personal collection. 

9.  The Craft (1996) – Though it isn’t an absolutely accurate homage to the wiccan/pagan community, The Craft was the Bewitched of my generation.  The movie did try to portray a more modern view of witchcraft, even including games I’ve actually played myself such as “Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board.”  Pretty tame for a horror film, however, The Craft is more of a fun witchy romp than a bloodbath.  Still, with the newer effects and soundtrack, your teen should have a wicked good time watching this one.

8.  The Ring (2002) – I found this film upon initial view to be incredibly effective, but that could have been due to the fact that I had no idea that what my friends put on was a horror film.  In either case, The Ring is still pretty fun to watch, with its creepy blue filtered lighting and its modern plot about a cursed/evil videotape, this is definitely a creeptastic film that you can pop on with your teens in the room – and most likely everyone will enjoy!

7.  Candyman (1992) – Candyman, candyman, candyman!  This is one of the first horror movies I was allowed to watch, and I have to say it definitely gave me the spooks.  Barely if any nudity again, but there is much violence and possible severe language in this particular flick.  Even if there isn’t too much, and you feel your teen is mature enough for this one, you have to admit that Tony Todd’s performance is chilling and perfect for the role – and that this is perhaps one of the more horrific films on this particular list.

6.  Carrie (2013) – I know this movie has been redone for practically every generation – and the reason for that of corpse is because special effects just keep getting better, and this story is one that should always be fresh to resonate with the current teens that will be watching it. In FX we trust. This is one that actually has a moral to it, and that is not to judge a book by its cover.  The tale itself is definitely geared toward the teenage generation, and is set in high school.  Both parents and their teens will enjoy this new Carrie, as the acting is superb and the cinematography is beautiful. 

5.  Halloween (1978) –  This is the first of all the movies listed to have any nudity (I don’t believe it is terribly often at all, however, which is why I think this one is ok for teens).  But again there’s little to no strong language in the film – though this one is also quite brutal in nature (but hey, it’s horror and that’s kind of the point!).  I do think most teenagers are capable of handling this film but by all means feel free to pre-watch before allowing your children to view.  It’s a classic, and is on television almost every year during the fall with most of anything ‘unfriendly’ cut from it, so you can also go that route if you wish. 

4.  Ginger Snaps (2000) – “I can’t have a hairy chest, B, that’s fucked!”  Ok so this one might have some strong language and graphic content – there isn’t much in the way of horror that doesn’t – but Ginger Snaps is one of my favorite werewolf films and I just had to include it on my list of the top teen horror films.  Based on a pair of sisters going through some ‘changes,’ this frightful fest boasts some great cinematography and truly horrific scenes that the whole family can enjoy (teens and up of corpse). 

3.  Night of the Living Dead (1968) – This is a classic horror film that can definitely be viewed by most of the family, but I will say that the black and white version may be a bit too ‘old’ for your kids so you might want to check with them and see if it piques their interest before popping it in (there’s a color version done by Savini that I’m particularly fond of, if the black and white turns them off).  If your child is already into horror, chances are you already let them check this film out LONG before teenager-time anyway…but if you haven’t and they are this is a perfect movie to share, especially with the current zombie craze.  Romero has been known as one of the masters of the horror genre, zombies being his specialty.  Even if your teen thinks its old they should, especially if they are into this genre, give it a watch at the very least out of respect.  At the very most, they’ll know what most of the jokes in other zombie movies are referencing (Shaun of the Dead, anyone?).

2.  Scream (1996) – “What do you want?” “To see what your insides look like.”  My number two on the top ten list of teen screams is Wes Craven’s Scream.  A (now) classic slasher flick, Scream was one of the better horror movies that came out in the 90s.  Plenty of ingenuity and brass, Scream is definitely horror geared toward teens and even adults can watch and enjoy.  You can see a more detailed review of this film in Ravens Reviews. 

1.  The Shining (1980) – I’ll say this, I could literally put just about any Stephen King based film on this list – I think most of his books (made into films), if not all, are appropriate for teens to watch as well as adults.  That being said, if you need a place to start and have absolutely no clue which film based on his books your teen might be into – this particular creep show focuses our attention on a haunted hotel.  Plenty of spooks, madness, and blood for everyone.

Honorable Mentions Include:

House at the End of the Road

Fright Night

Phantasm

So that is my current top ten list of teen horror films.  It was actually much more difficult than I thought it would be to fashion this list, so I hope that you all can concur with it or at least can grab a couple of the choices off this list for your family to enjoy.  Thank you as always for reading, and stay tuned for more from Raven’s Reviews! 

Hansel and Gretel Get Baked (2013)

       Happy Friday fiends!  I’m pleased that I’ve been able to review these horror films this week for you, and hope you’ve been entertained thus far.  My final teen scream this week I chose because I figured it would be funny based on its title: Hansel and Gretel Get Baked.  Filmed in 2013 and directed by Duane Journey, this movie begins innocently enough in a small town that could literally be almost anywhere in America. 

Hansel and Gretel are of course brother and sister, and Gretel has a passion for the purple sticky punch.  Her boyfriend scores a bag of bud called “Black Forest” and mentions it’s grown by a ‘sweet little old lady’ in her basement.  The two of them enjoy a toke and then get the munchies, but while Gretel is making up some cookies her boyfriend decides to go get some more weed.  He goes to the sweet old lady’s house, and she complies, but when he asks to eat her gingerbread house she firmly tells him to keep his paws off it.  As soon as she leaves the room he takes the opportunity to take quite a large chunk off of the house, and notices that there are a ton of ID cards and passports shoved inside it.  He immediately becomes woozy, and wakes up tied to a table getting a buttery spread applied to his torso. 

The old woman claims to have the munchies, and proceeds to chop off this kid’s limbs and cook them and eat them right in front of him (only she removed one of his eyes and ate it raw because he said he didn’t want to watch).  This excellently wicked beginning actually surprised me due to this being a rendition of a children’s classic that, based on the title, should be slightly humorous.  Only there isn’t much humorous about getting flayed and chopped up slowly, and eaten by a wicked witch – or is there?

            The show goes on, and Gretel begins the search for her boyfriend.  She knows the old woman is fishy, but no one is taking her seriously until another girl’s boyfriend goes missing.  The two of them head to the old woman’s house (who by now is a not-so-old woman), and attempt to break and enter.  From here, everything unravels and the witch can’t seem to catch a break with all the people that show up at her door.  With zombies, cats, an awesome Doberman, fire, and plenty of gore – this movie is full of fun surprises and brings a new (somewhat eccentric) twist to an old favorite.  The final scene is of corpse one we would expect of the classic fairy tale, the witch gets tossed into her own oven and burns alive. 

            The soundtrack is probably the biggest downfall of this film, as the music is mostly cheesy and if it wasn’t unbearably cheesy it was unmemorable.  The cinematography was decent, and the makeup effects were done well.  Although this is not an intellectual teaser in any way, it definitely is a fun and witchy romp which is something I always enjoy.  Plus, the death count alone is enough to make a horror fan feel all tingly inside.  So here come the stats:  Body count? Ten.  Number of killers?  Two (or three if you count both Hansel and Gretel as killers).  Boob count?  None, though sex is brought up in the film – but mostly as a subject of cruelty or as a joke.  Cheap thrills?  None.  Actual thrills?  At least one, maybe two.  Raven’s Scream Meter says?  3 out of 5 screams.  Definitely decent for a young adult film and was clever enough to make me laugh a few times.  All in all, I think the moral of the story is – when a sweet lady selling you pot tells you to keep your hands off her gingerbread house, you don’t destroy your connection by opposing her will after she has already puffed you down.  Because not only will you lose that connection…she might also eat you up and make you watch while she does it. 

House at the End of the Street (2012)

        I chose House at the End of the Street because, and I’ll admit this isn’t the most wonderful reason to choose a movie but I won’t lie to my fiends, Netflix suggested I might like it.  But then again Netflix usually does have a good idea of what I like to watch. Anywho, I tuned in and was immediately sucked in by the casting of Elizabeth Shue and Jennifer Lawrence as mother-daughter.  I love both of them as actresses and it was great to see them on screen together.  As the film begins, we see that the two of them have just moved into a new home in the sticks (right near a state park) from Chicago.  Mrs. Cassidy makes mention that the only reason they can even afford to rent the home is because of the murders that occurred in the house at the end of the street, where a 13 year old girl with brain damage murdered both of her parents one night. 

            The neighbors concur with the story and wish that the last family member (a young boy named Ryan, portrayed by Max Thieriot) would move and that the house would be torn down.  Alyssa gets to know the kids in the neighborhood and finds that they aren’t really her crowd, but when she meets Ryan the two of them hit it off really well – and she even finds a band and a few kids from school to be friends with.  No one is very comfortable with Alyssa’s relationship with Ryan, her mother and friends all seem to react very negatively about him.  The only person that seems to give Ryan a break besides Alyssa is the sheriff of their town, who thinks Ryan is a good kid that fell on hard times.  The question of whether or not his sister Carrie-Anne still lives in the woods haunts the teens in the area, and probably a few of the adults - yet no one knows the haunting truth that she is alive and well in Ryan’s care. 

            Even with Mrs. Cassidy’s strict warning that her daughter and Ryan shouldn’t be alone together, Alyssa continues developing her relationship with Ryan behind her mothers back.  Their relationship grows more and more intimate, and culminates in Alyssa almost getting herself killed.  Ryan is pretty much a heart-throb and it’s really easy to not only like but also feel sorry for his character.  I’ll let you decide if that’s wise or not.  The cinematography and plot are both wonderful, I’d say my least favorite thing about the film was the music.  Jennifer Lawrence sings through a lot of the film and to be honest she sounds very Fiona/Joss Stone and it’s sort of boring.  But aside from that, which really has a small part in the film, I thoroughly enjoyed myself watching this one.  How many bite the dust?  Five or so during the course of the film, but how many the killer has actually killed is probably much more.  Number of killers?  One.  Boobs?  None.  Cheap Thrills?  None.  Actual creeps given?  A couple, actually.  Raven’s Scream Meter Says:  4 out of 5 screams.  Definitely worth a watch, if you don’t mind thrillers that are not particularly gory.  Can definitely be watched with or by teens. 

Hells Gate 11:11 (2004)

       Hello and welcome to Wednesday!  I trust you all have been staying spooky this week, and we’ve made it to yet another glorious ‘hump day.’  But it’s always spooky day for this girl.  Anyway, I was drawn to the next film of this week because of the title: Hells Gate: 11:11.  Created in 2004 by director Michael Bafaro, this film’s title recognizes the eleven-eleven phenomena that my friends and I have been pretty much obsessed with since we heard of it so many years ago (the number is supposed to be magical or supernatural in nature).  I always notice the clock when its 11:11, and sometimes (ok more often than not when I notice…) I make a wish.  Anyway, I digress. The film begins with a young girl facing her parents murders, and then watching as the men who murdered her mother and father are killed by thin air (though it has already been alluded to that the girl can see spirits).  As the movie progresses, we realize that the girl (Sarah) is seeing her dead mother in spirit form, and her mother is trying to warn her about the coming apocalypse.  I have to admit that they sort of lose me with the very idea of an apocalypse all fire and brimstone, but the ghost angle of the plot is definitely intriguing.  Sarah’s ESP also draws you in and makes you want to know what is going on. 

What is going on is that a very angry spirit has been hanging around Sarah in the guise of a friend, and killing everyone around her (or making them kill themselves).  Sarah strikes a deal with the spirit to avoid it killing off her lover, though the way the scene ends it is actually unclear as to whether or not he lives.  And to be honest, that was sort of how I felt about the entirety of this film – a little confused.  It seemed to have all the right elements to draw viewers in, only the plot itself doesn’t come full circle or even make sense.  The guise was that all this had to do with some portend of a new dawn of man or the end of the world – but in the end the girls go off together as children to play.  What that had to do with 11:11 or the apocalypse, I’m not sure. 

This is definitely a lower-budget film, or at least the cinematography and unknown cast makes it feel that way.  The soundtrack was not memorable either, so when one tops that off with a plot that doesn’t seem to have a complete thought one gets…this film.  Probably the worst aspect of the film was Laura Mennell’s acting.  Just because her character Sarah is troubled and has some wickedly strong ESP doesn’t mean she should constantly look like someone let loose a really rank fart all the time.  She was constantly looking furtive, worried, and disgusted, and the acting ruined the character for me completely.  But hey…my reviews can’t all be good, now can they?  Here are the stats:  Body count?  Seven or so.  Number of killers?  Three.  Boob count?  Zero.  Cheap thrills?  Two.  Actual spooks endured?  Zero.  Raven’s Scream Meter says: 1 out of 5 screams.  This isn’t one I’ll be adding to my collection any time soon, but if you can make some sense of it please feel free to explain it to me!  

April Fools Day (1986)

      The second teen scream I reviewed this week is Fred Walton’s April Fools Day (1986).  It begins with a group of young adults all meeting up to go to a mutual friends party (they meet up together because they have to take a ferry to the location of the party).  Only a few of them know each other, but they all know the hostess, who happens to be an extremely wealthy young woman.  As the group sits down to dinner, they all become part of each other’s April Fool’s jokes (whoopee cushions, chairs that have legs that collapse, etc).   The group finally seems to be bonding as a whole during this moment, which looked somewhat unlikely on the ferry.  A typical 80s mix of teenagers (cool ‘unconventional’ guy, cool jock guy, nerdy girl, pretty girl, and so on), almost like a horror version of The Breakfast Club - only without the detention, and minus a very well-known cast.  Anyway, the group hops on the ferry and begins their weekend of fun and partying – only to wind up immediately having a rather nasty accident where a fellow loses his eye completely because the boat basically ran him over.  They all arrive at the house intact, though a bit rattled from the bloody start to their weekend.    

            As the ladies and gentlemen get settled in for the night, they all find even more pranks have been set up around the house.  Exploding cigars, faucets that shoot water at the user, and more – but it’s all in good fun.  All in good fun, that is, until the next day when one of the girls sees the boy named Skip looking rather…dead…floating by on a boat.  As the group begins searching for Skip, they lose yet another member of their group, and decide its time to try to call the police.  As the party unravels, the hostess begins acting weirder and weirder…sort of spacey and awkward.  The plot thickens as more and more of the group disappear (or worse, show up bloody), but the best part of this film comes at the end during the big reveal. 

            This particular film doesn’t boast the most wonderful soundtrack, but it isn’t intolerable.  The cinematography is decent as well, but I wouldn’t call it the best shot film I’ve ever seen.  I did, however, dig the special effects makeup, a lot of it was done pretty decently for a film that is both comical as well as chilling.  I know the film has been remade (in the 2000s, century of the remake), and I own both, but I would have to say that while the newer one is more ‘believable’ plot-wise – it just doesn’t have the inherent charm of this version.  Body count?  Around six.  Killers?  I’ll never tell.  Boob count?  Zero, this is definitely more family-friendly but moms be advised that there are a couple of sex scenes (they just don’t show anything besides legs and arms).  Cheap thrills?  One or two.  Actual scares?  Zero…but it’s all in good fun.  There’s still plenty of blood.  Raven’s Scream Meter says: 2.5 out of 5 screams.  Not my favorite movie of all time, but it does grace the shelves of my horror collection. 

Scream (1996)

       Hello again fiends!  Welcome (a bit belated) to 2014.  I’ve decided to start up the horror blog again, and I’m going to try to keep up with it a bit better than I have in the past.  More horror, more often.  Doesn’t that sound like a scream?  Speaking of Scream, Wes Craven’s (1996) feature film by that title is the first of this weeks’ reviews.  I know it’s not the newest movie on the block, but in my humble opinion it was one of the better horror films that came out during the 90s.  When it débuted, this film was fresh, exciting, and unpredictable – and it still holds up as one of my favorites to watch.

      For starters, Scream has one of the absolute best opening scenes I’ve ever scene (pun intended), from the sound of a telephone ringing co-mingled with a fever-pitched scream, right to the final shot of Casey Becker hanging from the tree in her front yard – viscera completely on display.  The opening scene also boasts something I’ve had nightmares about myself – when Ghostface makes his first appearance and has already killed one teen (and is working on the second), Casey’s parents pull in.  As they make their way toward the front door, Casey can see them and is running toward them attempting to yell for help – only she can’t get the scream out.  It is a chilling sequence that I still cannot tear my eyes away from, even after watching it over a dozen times.    

       After this brutal beginning, viewers become familiar with Sydney Prescott and her friends.  We discover that Sydney’s mother was savagely raped and murdered just a year before the murders of Casey Becker and Steve Orth, and Woodsboro is completely on edge when faced with this new rash of horrific murders.  Upon your original watch of the film, I’d be surprised if you (horror aficionado I know you are) are able to guess who Ghostface is.  I remember when I was a Scream virgin, and I had so many opinions as to who the killer was – Billy, Dewey, Sydney’s father (Mr. Prescott), Randy, the Sherrif, and the principal – to name a few of the ideas I had.  Personally, I love it when a film or novel stumps me concerning whodunnit, and Scream does a great job of alluding to the fact that it could be one of several people within the film’s cast.

       The rest of the film boasts a wicked soundtrack (Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, anyone?), great cinematography, and a splash of humor and intelligence not typical of the genre.  The plot is mostly an homage to horror films that came before Scream’s time, but Craven made the genre fresh and exciting for the new millennium.  The cast was also fresh and exciting, boasting now-seasoned actors such as Neve Campbell and Matthew Lillard (who makes one of the best jokes in the film – “Better LIVER alone!” – cracks me up).  I would go more into detail about the plot and who Ghostface is, but if you haven’t seen this film I truly don’t want to spoil it for you.  Just know that it is a classic teen scream that very likely will become a favorite part of your horror collection.

            Due to the nature of this film, I’m only going to provide you with Raven’s Scream Meter this time around (no boobs, unknown killer, etc) as a courtesy because I’m sure you all know by the end of this review what my feelings about the film are.  So, Raven’s Scream Meter Says:  5 out of 5 screams.  This is one that can be watched alone or with the family (teens and up, of corpse).