Dreamaniac (1986)

            Dreamaniac’s beginning sequence has it all – blood, fog, thunder, boobs, and Argento-inspired lighting – promising viewers a wicked good time.  And it actually really is a wicked good time, by far one of the best films I’ve watched this week.  The main character is Adam (played by Thomas Bern), a heavy-metal musician, who for some unknown reason decides to turn to black magic to get girls (even though he has a girlfriend).  But it doesn’t fucking matter why the dude turns to black magic, does it?  Heavy-metal and black magic go together like peanut butter and chocolate.  Two wonderful concepts that seem to work even better when combined.  So I can dig it. 

            Anyway, Adam starts off by having trouble sleeping (which viewers realize is due to these bloody awful dreams of a girl biting off his member).  When the girl actually manifests (ohhh boy) for this big party that is thrown at the house with Adam and all of Adam’s friends – people start to die off.  Some of the death scenes are innovative (though some are cheesy, which is to be expected of a low-budget 80s flick) and even kind of gnarly.  My weapon of choice in this film was most definitely the power tool.  The scenes that included that ginormous power tool can be described in two words: blood bath.

            The succubus Lily, portrayed by Sylvia Summers, has hilarious facial expressions.  Her expressions through almost every scene she’s in are simply awesome.  The acting in this is actually not wonderful, but I think that gives this movie more charm.  It has a campy feel that movies that try to be campy don’t always achieve.  Pat (Ashlyn Gere) is only memorable due to the power tool she wields, and all of the characters are pretty flat and one-dimensional.  The score for the movie is undoubtedly 80’s but seems to also have an Italian influence behind it.  

              The ending is pretty sweet, as audiences discover first that Lily isn’t a succubus at all – but an escaped mental patient!  Aw snaps!  “Hope she hasn’t caused you any trouble,” the warden says to the few survivors.  Well I’ll be damned.  So much for the succubus idea, eh?  And just when viewers think they have it all figured out – the scene cuts to a writer on the telephone pitching his ‘pulp novel.’  Oh folly!  The writers did it again!  What an awesomely bad way to end this awesomely bad flick.  My only real negative opinion has to do with all the male arse in this film - this is an aspect of the film that is unnecessary and very much overdone.  But for those of you that enjoy man arse?  This butt's for you - there's a ton of it in this film. 

            Number of killers?  Three.  Body count? Seven.  Boob count? One.  Cheap thrills?  Less than or equal to one.  Actual creeps given?: Zero.  Entertainment?: Loads.  Raven’s Scream Meter says: 4 out of 5 screams.  A delightfully campy gore fest!  Watch it sooner, thank me later.  This film is definitely getting added to my favorite B-rated horror movies.  Well done, DeCoteau, well done.

Curse of the Swamp Creature (1966)

            Deep in the murky swamps, Dr. Simon Trent (played by Jeff Alexander) is hard at work, attempting to create a human with gills.  He has secluded himself and his wife Pat (portrayed by Francine York) amongst, yet apart from, the small group of swamp people that also dwell in the area (but make no mistake, the area is pretty desolate).  These people, viewers learn right away, are none too happy that the doctor has stationed himself in their area.  They worry as some of their people begin disappearing without word, and they see that these disappearances are linked to the arrival of the doctor.  The drumming at the beginning credits suggests voodoo, and sets the tone for the rest of the movie.

            Audiences then learn that there is a group about to partake upon an adventure into the swamp – in search of oil.  There is some confusion in the beginning introductions of this group.  Driscol West (Bill Thurman) shows up at the Fly n’ Fish (loving that name, by the way), and the people who are regulars there kind of take him out when they discover he is there to look for oil.  Brenda Simmons (Shirley McLine) then decides she will step into the role of “Mrs. West,” so that she can go and find the oil herself.  Crafty and kind far fetched, but it appears to work on Barry Rogers (John Agar), who is there to help Driscol in his oil quest.   

            Of course, in their fervent quest for oil, the group stumbles upon Dr. Trent and his wife.  Dr. Trent knows long before they arrive that they are coming, and indicates that he will be ‘hospitable’ to his guests.  As the group moves closer to Dr. Trent’s residence, viewers become aware that they can hear the drumming as well, that it is not included in the film just for them.  The group arrives and one of the members asks to be shown this snake dance that the natives are performing (the cause of the drumming).  The dance is interesting to watch, and the natives have hung a stuffed ‘Dr. Trent’ from a tree to symbolize what they wanted to happen to him. 

            Within a short while, Dr. Trent’s wife has destroyed his latest creature (the others prior to this kept dying, and the doctor would feed the bodies to the alligators), so Dr. Trent takes it upon himself to become fully hospitable to his guests by bestowing this ‘gift’ upon one of them.  Needless to say, it does not end well.  Though the scenes with the alligators are pretty grim, there is no blood in this film and that would cause me to place it more in the ‘sci-fi/thriller’ genre versus the ‘horror’ genre.  If you enjoy creepy scientists and frankenstine-esque swamp creatures, then this movie is definitely worth a watch. 

            Number of killers?  If you examine the movie closely, there are at least five.  Boob count?  Zero.  I guess in B movies there are less boob shots (at least thus far) but you would think there would be more…(B for boobs?!).  Cheap thrills?  Nonezo.  Raven’s Scream Meter says: 2.5 out of 5 screams.  This was a decent thriller, but I won’t lie that it is low budget and quite dated.  I gave it 2.5 because I genuinely enjoyed the concept, and some of the acting.   

Hellweek

            At the beginning of Hellweek (2010), audiences will probably notice that this is a serious low-budget film.  But that doesn’t necessarily mean that the movie stinks.  I happen to really enjoy low-budget productions, and they definitely strike me if they are well written, or have decent acting (or both, if we’re lucky).  Anyway, I digress.  So the film is obviously low-budget.  That’s fine.  There is still some great footage sprinkled throughout the film, so I can look past the whole…bad lighting, barely-there sound thing.  Hellweek is about some college kids who are hazing new fraternity and sorority students by making them visit a local haunted house in Cleveland.  Only, the kids don’t realize that the place is actually haunted – so when they start bringing their friends around the site a bunch of crazy shit starts going down. 

            Remember when I said decent acting can make a low-budget film seem completely worthwhile?  Well forget about it in this film.  When I first encountered Rob Jaeger as J.J., all I could think was: “Is this guy trying to be Stiffler?”  That’s right, I said it.  Stiffler.  In a horror film.  The hell?  Anyway, I generally prefer actors and actresses that create their own brand, not wear someone else’s, if you get my drift.  Karen Fox, to me, seemed as though she literally stole Rose McGowan’s facial expressions and mannerisms for this film as she portrayed ‘Cara,’ J.J.’s naïve girlfriend.  The acting actually worth mentioning in this?  Umm…  

            So is the film at least well-written, you ask?  Meh…I suppose that depends on your definition of ‘well written.’  With lines such as: “We’ll go find some other cum dumpsters to hit on,” I doubt that there will be many intellectual debates about the depth and/or layers of this film.  The best line, hands down, of the film was: “Underneath her burned skin was clown makeup,” which the actors delivered and reacted poorly to.  There were a couple of legitimately funny parts, and one dude actually does say: “I’m off like a prom dress!” which was fucking hilarious.  Overall, however, I’d say the dialogue was not given much thought.  In fact, I’ll put it out there: the dialogue sounds as though it were written by someone who lives in the backwoods of Central, IL…as I’ve actually heard some of this dialogue upon traveling too far away from the city.

But it’s fucking horror, and horror doesn’t always have to be intelligent, or witty, or even have good acting.  It just has to have some blood, somewhere.  And this movie certainly has plenty of blood.  With a loud-ass chainsaw buzzing through at least half of the film, there is plenty of blood to soak through even the most absorbent maxi pad.  One of the killers even wears a clown mask, which was actually kind of frightening, but that could just be due to my dislike of clowns.

Number of killers?  Six or more!  Boob count?  Zero…wait…what?  ZERO boobs?  Are you sure this is horror?  Cheap thrills?  Less than or equal to two.  Raven’s Scream Meter says:  1.5 out of 5 screams…and the .5 is only because of the chainsaw.